Jesus visits me in a dream

If you read my August post titled "God answers prayers," you will know that I have recently found a long lost niece whom I had not seen for 12 years. I found her on facebook on July 22, 2009. The last time I had seen her she was 3 years old. She is now 15. She had been raised by an aunt and uncle after her mother had passed away at the age of three. After finding her and beginning communication with her I soon learned that she had been kicked out of her home, the place where she had been raised since she was three. She had been uprooted and forced to leave the only home she had ever known. She had to leave her siblings, her friends, her school and the city where she had been raised and move to a small town where another aunt and uncle cared for her.

After hearing about her situation and her strong desire to return to her home city, school and friends, I wondered if there was anything I could do to help. My family moved around a lot when I was growing up. I knew what it felt like to move and change schools. I knew what it felt like to be the new kid in school. High school was even worse, especially in a small town. I prayed about it a lot and asked God for guidance.

Ephesians 1:16-19 (The message)

I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength!

One evening I was chatting with her on facebook and I noticed the words forming through my fingers onto our chat screen before I was even aware of what I had typed. It was like my fingers had a mind of their own. I paused and read what I had just typed. I had mentioned something like "if only she could live with me." Before that I had never even entertained the thought of inviting her to live with me. To be honest, it shocked me to see that it had come out so easily. I felt it must have been the work of the Holy Spirit.

At first it seemed my niece was not comfortable with the idea of living with me. I could not blame her being that I was a complete stranger to her. As the beginning of the school year drew nearer however she warmed up to the idea. There were many things that would have to fall into place in order for this to happen. I had a renter living in my basement suite. I relied on the rental income. I was a single mom and a student. I had no other source of income. I would have to give my tenant 30-days notice to move out so that I could have the basement bedroom for her. I would need to find a way to compensate for the loss of income. I prayed about it and I knew that if this was indeed God's will then the pieces would fall into place.

There was also the issue of the panic disorder that I struggled with and I wondered if I could even handle a new person living in my home. My home had always been my "safe place" and whenever I had anyone in my home I often became very anxious and sometimes panicky. I asked God if I was ready and able to do this and more importantly if He wanted me to do this? I questioned whether I was able to take on such a responsibility. The Holy Spirit brought the following scripture to mind:

2 Corinthians 12:9 (The message)

My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride.."

One afternoon while I was feeding my spirit by reading God's Word, I came across a scripture that spoke to me. This was after I had been praying and asking God if He wanted me to open up my home to my niece and take care of her. This is the scripture:

Psalm 146:9 (NLT)

The Lord protects the foreigners among us. He cares for the orphans and widows, but he frustrates the plans of the wicked.

I had always thought of my niece as an orphan. She had lost her mom at the tender young age of three and shortly after that she had lost her dad too. I felt like God was saying that my taking her under my wing and into my home was His way of caring for his child, my niece. If I wanted to take it one step further I could consider myself the widow in this scripture. I lost my husband, only it was not to death and now God was providing the way to care for both of us.

On the evening of August 12, 2009, during the period of time when I was questioning whether I would be capable enough to take on this responsibility I had a dream. I was standing in a large crowd feeling the way I usually do in real life when I am standing amongst a group of people. I was feeling intimidated, shy and insecure. I was feeling like no one wanted to hear what I had to say nor did anyone care, like I had nothing significant to contribute to any conversation.

All of a sudden this tall, dark man walks up behind me. I can't remember if he placed his hands on each side of my head or on my shoulders be he stood directly behind me. He pressed his nose into the back of my head and took a deep breath, like he was enjoying the smell of my hair. Then he said, "Do you know how special you are?" Instantly I felt so loved, so secure and so special.

The memory of that dream did not come back to me until later on in the day. When I remembered the dream those strong feelings of love and security came flooding back. Instantly I was overwhelmed with the feeling of how much God loved me and how special I was to Him. It was at that moment that I realized the man in my dream was Jesus and this dream was a message from God. He was reassuring me that I was ready and able to do what I needed to do because it was part of His plan. Do you want to hear the funniest part though? In my dream He looked like that actor Brendan Fraser in the movie “Blast from the Past.”

I told my brother and my parents about my intentions to help my niece. The rest was up to God. I soon found out that my parents and my brother (her father) would be willing to pay "child support" if she were to live with me. That along with the scriptures and the dream was all the confirmation I needed to move forward with the plan.

Ephesians 3:20 (The message)

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

And The Healing Begins....

The Horse Is Led To Freedom

(This dream occurred during my first year as a single mom. If you have read my other posts in my blog then you already know how I feel about dreams. If you have not yet read my March post titled, "Dreams and the Scripture," then it would be best if you read that post before continuing to read this one.)

(In this dream, I am still married)

It is late fall and my husband is gone away on a hunting trip. He returns home with his hunting buddies. They are unloading the weeks' kill off their trucks and hanging the skinned, gutted corpses from the hind feet in our cold garage to dry. I notice they have also brought back with them a live horse. I ask them why and they tell me the farmer was going to put it down because it is too skittish so they asked if they could have it. They unload the horse and tie her up in the driveway beside our house. She is a beautiful horse, chocolate brown with the only white on her being a stripe down her nose. I get as close to the horse as she will allow which is not too close. I start to sing to her and she seems to be calmed and soothed by my presence and my singing.

My husband's hunting buddies untie the horse and take her to the back alley. My husband tells them, "No, you can't kill the horse yet, remember the farmer said she has to have a good morning run before we shoot her, otherwise her meat won't be any good to eat." His buddies say, "Oh, that's right, then we will leave the horse in your back yard for the night and let her loose in the morning for a good run before we shoot her."

I am completely distraught upon hearing this news. I start to cry and I scream, "You can't kill this horse!" My husband and his hunting buddies just look at me and laugh. I am running in and out of the house trying to figure out how to save this poor horse from her unfortunate circumstances. My son is in the house and he asks, "why are you crying mom?" I explain it to him.

At this point I wake up from my dream to find that not only was I crying in my dream, but I was also crying out loud for real in my sleep which is what woke me from my dream. It was one of those gut-wrenching type of cries where your entire stomach feels like it is in one huge tight knot. I sat up in bed and my stomach was so tense it felt like I had just finished doing about 100 sit-ups.

THE END

(Translation of this dream)

This was one of those dreams that I woke up from, knowing it meant something. The intense emotions I felt during that dream remained with me for weeks. I often pray and ask God if the dream had any significance and to please help me translate the dream so I could understand what it meant. The following is my interpretation of the above dream.

Dreams are often very symbolic and I know in this dream the horse repesents me. That is no big surprise since I love animals so much and horses have always been one of my favorites. The horse is skittish, afraid of people. That would describe me in a lot of ways. That is most likely why, I believe, I developed the panic disorder I now have called "Agoraphobia." I have been hurt by many people in my lifetime and I learned from a young age that people could not be trusted. While growing up, I always liked animals better than people. I knew I could trust animals, it was people I had a problem trusting. I was also an extremely shy young girl and I still am to a point.

When my husband and his hunting buddies are laughing at me, that would represent how I thought they felt about me. I felt like they, mainly meaning my husband, see me as disposable and useless. This would explain my feelings about my husband leaving me. The horse being tied up and in an unfortunate situation symbolizes how I felt in my relationship with my husband. In my marriage I had felt trapped, isolated and alone.

I knew this dream had meaning but I did not know this was a dream from God until later that same day when I was checking my email. A christian friend of mine from across the globe had sent me an ecard. I opened the card and I could not believe my eyes. On the card was a picture of a horse, a chocolate brown horse with a white stripe down the nose. It was exactly the same as the horse in my dream. There was one huge difference between the horse in my dream and the horse in the card. The horse in my dream was trapped. The horse in the card is at peace, running "free" through a lush green field, beside a sparkling stream with flowers budding on the trees. I had not told my friend about my dream.

When I saw the horse running free in the ecard, the emotions I had felt in my dream came flooding back with tremendous intensity. I could not help but cry. I reached out and touched the horse on my computer monitor and whispered, "You are free now."

I feel that God used my friend from across the globe to send a message to me regarding my dream. I feel He was telling me that "I am free now, free from the toxic marriage" and He is filling me with his perfect peace. Think about it, my friend from across the globe sends me an ecard the very same day I have this terribly sad dream. The horse in the card looks exactly like the one in my dream only it is running free and at total peace. This is not a coincidence! This is a message from the Lord and I receive it loud and clear. He is taking such good care of me.

I am attaching a link to the ecard I had received for you to enjoy. If you click on the "read" sign at the bottom of the card and read the words, then at the end you will notice a sparkling effect above the stream.

http://www.riversongs.com/Fla/ways.html

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters.

Psalm 23:2

Flower’s For Valentine’s Day

A heartwarming true story of God's love!

It was a cold winter day on January 23^rd, 2004, and my non-believing husband had just moved out and left me. He broke the news to me the night before. I was not heartbroken because the years leading up to his moving out had been full of strife. He had emotionally checked out of our marriage long before he decided to physically move out. Before my husband moved out, I used to lie awake in bed and think to myself, "It is lonelier being married and being ignored day after day than it would be to actually live alone." It turns out I was right. After he had moved out and I had settled into my new life as a single mom, my life became more peaceful.

The days following my husband leaving left me feeling completely devastated. I wondered how I was going to support myself and my seven-year-old son. How was I going to earn an income and pay my bills? Being a full-time mom, out of the work force for seven years and having Agoraphobia (a severe panic disorder that has left me housebound except for the small comfort zone of about a 10 block radius around my home that I can drive) had put me at a huge disadvantage. I focused on getting the basement suite fixed up and ready to rent out as soon as possible, which would help pay my bills. My parents came into town one weekend to help. They spent over a lot of money out of their own pocket, helping me renovate the basement suite. I am truly thankful and blessed to have their help and support.

Now Valentine's Day would soon be here and I was thinking about this being my first Valentine's Day as a single mom. Even though for the past few years my husband had stopped celebrating Valentine's Day with me, just the thought of not having a valentine seemed very sad. One day I found myself standing in the Safeway grocery store, staring at the beautiful variety of fragrant, bright, colorful flowers. There was a tiny yellow rose bush that caught my eye. How cheerful and bright it looked. I wanted to buy it but I knew that I had to keep myself on a tight budget.

I had been praying and leaning on God throughout this whole process and I knew He was listening and caring for me. I have an Easter Lily plant that has been hanging in the same spot and in the same pot for the past 10 years and it has never bloomed, not at Easter or any other time. On the morning of Valentine's Day, I woke up and I noticed my Easter Lily was in full bloom, with not only one beautiful Easter Lily, but two on the end of a very long stalk. I was in awe, I didn't even see the stalk growing leading up to that; it was like it grew overnight. It wasn't until later that week that I realized how significant that moment was. I realized that God had sent me those two lilies for Valentine's Day to show me how much He loved me and that he was caring for me and hearing my every prayer. Not only that, but I believe He sent me two lilies on the end of one stalk to tell me that He will take care of my son and myself and that I should not worry because He loves me and He will meet our needs. I was filled with so much peace; it was like I could feel His loving presence all around me.

That wasn't the only message I received from God that weekend. During my morning devotional reading from "Our Daily Bread," I could not help but feel like the message that day was meant for me. It was titled, "Starting Over," and it was about a mother and her son named Justin, who was in the first grade. My son's name is Justin, he is in grade two and we are starting over. Those feelings I had before of God's loving presence, they were back now in full force as I read the devotional reading that morning.

Once I put all of the pieces together, I stared at those lilies for a very long time. I took many pictures, one is attached below. I wanted to seize that moment and keep it close to my heart forever. I felt so special and so loved. The feelings I had that day were overwhelming and still surge through me as I write this message. In the midst of my personal chaos, I am at peace. For my God is the God of comfort and peace. I know God is at work in my life. Everything that is happening in my life, God can and will use for His greater purpose. I just have to be patient and wait for the calm after the storm. Our God is an awesome God!!

Over the years I have found that God often confirms things for me by either using "The Daily Bread" devotionals or His Living Word. There have been many times now that I have been wondering or struggling with something and the very next day, there it is in black and white, my answer.