God Fund Me

The week my dad passed away in August 2016, I decided I needed to take that week off from work to grieve, spend time with family and prepare for his funeral. Aside from feeling the heavy weight of sadness, my only other concern at that time was whether I could afford to take a week off as my job didn't pay bereavement leave. 

A good friend and coworker of mine was always checking in on me and asking me how I was doing, offering her support, etc. I decided to confide in her about my concern. Just being able to unload that concern and share it with someone who understood helped. That wasn't the only feelings I shared with her at that time, I shared many as I processed what was happening. 

I can't remember exactly but I think it was the very next day, I receive a message from my coworker friend who told me she and her husband started a "Go Fund Me" account in the hopes of raising a couple hundred dollars to help out. They sent me the link and hoped I would be OK with it. I was so touched by their kind hearts, I was more than OK with it. Within 24 hours the "Go Fund Me" page raised over $1000. I could not believe my eyes. The kindness and generosity of strangers and coworkers brought me to "happy" tears. Here is a link to the page:

https://www.gofundme.com/2hkozvg

The outpouring of love and support I received not only from my coworker friend and her husband, but all of those who financially supported me lightened my burden. Being able to share my concerns and feelings and receive the love and support helped me through an extremely difficult time. I like to think of it as the "God Fund Me" account. I feel like God used what my friend and her husband started by giving me favor with the generous people who supported the cause. I will never forget what my coworker and her husband did for me. They are the sweetest, cutest couple ever and I will forever keep them in my prayers.

The Butterfly Gift

The Butterfly Gift

June 2016

As far back as I can remember my dad has always loved butterflies. When I was following my own plans for my life and not the Lord’s, my dad occasionally gave me a ‘butterfly suncatcher’ gift.

I believe one of the main reasons my dad loves butterflies so much is the Christian metamorphosis process which he shared with me in the past. Here is a link to learn more about this process  http://loyal2him.com/foundations/butterfly.htm

I believe my dad was giving me butterfly suncatchers to remind me about this process.

Once I discovered (THE LONG AND HARD WAY) that my own plans always ended up a complete disaster I decided to invite Jesus into my life, and then those suncatcher gifts became pretty special to me.

These are the suncatcher butterfly gifts from my dad. Since my dad has recently become very sick with an inoperable brain tumour and only months to live, these have become even more precious to me. I have had these suncatchers for decades. I have even lost 3 out of the 4 pieces of glass in the large butterfly suncatcher, but I continue to treasure it. 

This Father's Day I bought my dad a large glass butterfly ornament to hang outside so he could admire it from his wheelchair when he sits outside on the deck

Dad’s butterfly collection

 I have a young friend I like to call my Sunday daughter.

We became friends at church and she used to sit with me, hence the name.

We connected on some level and have been friends ever since despite the fact that she has since moved away. 

Pictures of us hanging out at church functions

I was dressed as a Sesame Street character called a Yip-Yip

She didn’t know it was me inside

 She discovers it’s me underneath. Look at that adorable toothless smile. J

Sweet hugs!

A video of Justin and I as the Yip-Yips

This was the day of my baptism

We were spinning

I had to publicly share my testimony. Public speaking was pretty intimidating for me. I remember telling her I was scared and asking her if she wanted to stand beside me as I stood up and shared my story. She was pretty surprised to hear that even someone like me (so old) can still get scared sometimes. She was happy to stay by my side.

 Getting baptized was a huge step of obedience for me as I was in the middle of the process of overcoming Agoraphobia and severe panic attacks. God placed this sweet little girl into my life to help me through it. Isn’t she adorable?

 We had a play date and hung out one night. We had so much fun together. 

This was 2 years ago.

 This June 2016 we had the opportunity to have another play date

She gave me a very special gift. It’s a glass butterfly jewelry holder

Inside were two bracelets. 

On the pendant are the words, “my other half.”

 I didn’t understand the significance of this gift until days later when God began revealing it to me. Once I fully understood, it brought me tears of joy. God reminded me about those suncatcher gifts my dad gave me. He reminded me why my dad loves butterflies. He showed me how far I have come along in my faith and battle with fear. He revealed to me that although my dad can no longer bring me butterfly gifts, He, my heavenly Father, can. He had Sadie, my Sunday daughter, act as his messenger who brought me a butterfly gift. She had no idea I loved butterflies or the meaning behind them.

I had to share this with her mom and let her know how God used her daughter to bless me with her butterfly gift. When her mom told her how God used her, her mouth dropped open, a huge smile crossed her face and she said, “I feel happy. I’m grateful that God used me. I didn’t even know that about butterflies. I tried trading the butterfly one with a heart one but Sierra said no, but God knew that’s why.” 

This one simple butterfly gift has since blessed me, Sadie, her family and now all who read this. 

God is a good God! 

Nikki's Story

I want to introduce you to Nikki and tell you his true story. Nikki is a green and yellow parakeet who has led quite an adventurous life. He was chilling with the sparrows, going wherever they went, doing whatever they did, eating whatever they ate. He was an independent parakeet. He was taking care of himself. He didn't know that his life was in danger from predators every single day. He didn't know that winter was soon to come and if he remained with the sparrows he would soon be dead. 

One day he was enticed by some millet inside the safety of a cage. On that day he had a choice, continue eating what the sparrows were eating or try the millet. He chose the millet. He entered the cage, tried the millet and discovered that it was good, so good, in fact, that he no longer desired the food the sparrows ate.

He got to know the person who provided this millet and discovered that because he chose to eat the millet she had saved his life. Over time and much more millet he got to know her better and now she has become his best friend.

Answer Key

• The sparrows symbolize unbelievers and going along with the crowd.
• The sparrow food is whatever the world calls fun (drinking, drugs, parties, the bar scene, pornography, promiscuity, etc.) .
• Winter symbolizes the end times and the return of Jesus.
• The millet symbolizes God' word (the Bible)
• The safe cage symbolizes the church.
• The best friend symbolizes Jesus. 

STOP!!

Before reading on, please do me a favor; after reading through the answer key, go back up to the beginning and re-read Nikki's story. Then return here to continue reading. 

This is the true story of a parakeet that hung around my back yard bird feeder with the sparrows for most of this past summer. In the fall I was finally able to capture him and not a moment too soon. He would have surely died in the cold outdoors. My son wanted to name him Nikki which is short for Nicholas Cage since he's in a cage, I know, funny guy. 

Please don't misunderstand the cage symbolizing the church, I'm not saying the church is a cage, I'm referring to the cage as a place where you can feel safe. If you find a church where it's members are actively operating in the gifts of the Holy Spirit you will feel welcome, loved and safe. 

I hope you enjoyed my analogy and God bless you richly. 

Unconditional Love Dissolves Walls of Distrust

I have a friend who had a Cockatiel. He knew the bird had "trust issues" when he bought her, but that didn't stop him from loving her. Her name was Babe. He later discovered that she had been abused by being hand slapped and, rightfully so, she didn't trust humans. Her experience with them so far in her life was that they were unpredictable and they hurt you and therefore they cannot be trusted. 

My friend continuously and tirelessly loved Babe unconditionally. He spoke lovingly to her and he was patient and kind at all times. She continued to reject his love and at one point she even bit him so hard she pierced right through his skin. I can't remember if it was on his nose or his ear or someplace else, but you better believe that it smarted. Although she hurt him he maintained his vigilance and continued to patiently and unconditionally love her and draw her closer to him. 

After consistently and unconditionally loving Babe for 5 months my friend had successfully managed to breakdown the wall of distrust and gain both her trust and her love. She would now come to him, stand on his finger, bow her head so he could give her a head scrub, sit on his shoulder and take food gently from his mouth. She even learned to say things like "love you, pretty bird, night night." Whenever a train went by she would say "choo choo." She gave him lots of kisses and she loved it when he played his guitar. In fact, she would sleep on his shoulder as he played. She was a special little girl. It was clear that Babe flourished in this loving environment. Through the experience of gaining her trust they developed a deep bond with each other. 

One evening I received a frantic text message from my friend. While stepping outside through his back door Babe snuck out and flew away. It was dark out and he had no idea where she was. He waited outside for her until the morning and when the sun rose he found her perched up high in his neighbor's tree. 

He did everything he could think of to coax her to come to him, back to where he could keep her safe and close. He brought out her cage and he talked to her. He sat under that tree and waited patiently for her to come back to him. He had done all that he could do for Babe, the rest was up to her. 

As the sun set that evening unfortunately my friend watched helplessly and with a broken heart as Babe flew away and never returned. If any of you have ever welcomed a pet into your life and bonded with that pet you will understand how devastating it is to lose a feather or fur family member, especially in such a traumatic way as this. I certainly understood and felt his pain and loss. 

Shortly after this happened the Holy Spirit revealed to me that sometimes this is how our Father God feels about us. When I saw that connection I was not only grieving with my friend over the loss of Babe, but I was also grieving with the Holy Spirit over this recent revelation. Like Babe, many of us have "trust issues." If we have lived on this earth for any length of time we soon discover that people can hurt us, lie to us, deceive us, abuse us, neglect us and reject us. We often concluded that NO ONE can be trusted and we build up this wall around our hearts in an effort to protect ourselves. 

Unfortunately, when we put up a wall we not only keep everyone else out, but we keep ourselves isolated making it impossible to truly connect with anyone. We then realize it's pretty lonely behind this wall and we attempt to fill the gap with anything that will relieve the loneliness and isolation we feel. We might try people pleasing, the pursuit of money or fame, popularity, a certain degree or job title, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sexual promiscuity, partying, pornography, etc. Don't get me wrong, some of these things are good things to pursue, but if they are in an effort to make you feel happy or complete you will be disappointed when you reach that goal. We might be able to escape the feelings of isolation and loneliness for a short time, but they always come back. 

In the meantime, none of that stops Father God from loving us. God is watching us, loving us and waiting with open arms for us to run to Him. Quite often when we conclude that no one can be trusted we include God and when we put that wall up we keep God out.

Some of us have had a cold, lifeless religion full of rules and regulations shoved down our throats and as a result thought, "If this is what it's all about I want no part of it" and we walk away. Jesus hated all of the man-made rules and regulations of the Pharisees. In fact he said:

Matthew 11:28-30 (NCV)

"Come to me, all of you who are tired and have heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Accept my teachings and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit, and you will find rest for your lives. The burden that I ask you to accept is easy; the load I give you to carry is light."

Some of us feel we are too damaged or bad for God to love us. Some of us blame God for the pain we have endured instead of the enemy (Satan) whose sole mission in life is to destroy us. In fact, Jesus said:

John 10:10 (NLT)

The thief's purpose is to steal and kill an destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. 

Some of us may have had a bad or absent father. We might feel like because our earthly father was mean so is our heavenly father or because our earthly father rejected us so does our heavenly father, but that is a lie from the enemy. To put it simply we don't trust God. God knows we have "trust issues" or "other issues," yet that doesn't stop him from loving us.  He loves us completely and unconditionally. This is what God thinks about you:

Jeremiah 1:5 (NCV)

Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you.

Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work . . .

When we keep God out we push away the only One Who can help us through our pain and heal our wounded and broken lives. Although we break his heart when we reject His love as He watches us pursue other things or a self destructive lifestyle He maintains His vigilance of patiently and unconditionally loving us. Just like how Babe bit my friend piercing right through his skin, our rebellious, destructive lifestyle pierces God's heart and actually Jesus' side was pierced for our rebellion. 

Isaiah 53:5 (NLT)

But he was pierced for our rebellion,

crushed for our sins.

He was beaten so we could be whole.

He was whipped so we could be healed. 

Just like my friend did everything he could to coax Babe to him, the choice was hers. Our heavenly Father has done everything He can to coax us to Him including sending His only Son to suffer an excruciating death in order to pay the price for our sins. It was the highest price to pay because we are worth that much to Him. 

Those of us who choose to run to Him find safety and comfort in his arms. As we continue to pursue a relationship with Him He consistently and unconditionally loves us until one day our walls of distrust come tumbling down, our broken hearts are mended and our lives are transformed. Through this experience we develop a deep bond with our heavenly Father. 

Psalm 147:3 (NCV)

He heals the brokenhearted

and bandages their wounds.

Luke 4:18 (NCV)

"The Lord has put his Spirit in me,

because he appointed me to tell the Good News to the poor.

He has sent me to tell the captives they are free

and to tell the blind that they can see.

God sent me to free those who have been treated unfairly."

Isaiah 61:3 (NCV)

. . . I will give them a crown to replace their ashes,

and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow,

and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness.

Then they will be called Trees of Goodness,

trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness.

It's note too late to run to your heavenly Father. He will gladly accept you with open arms. You can trust Him. Your heart is safe with Him. Don't let another hour go by without experiencing the unconditional love of your heavenly Father. You have nothing to lose but heartache and emptiness and eternity and peace to gain.

In loving memory of sweet Babe

Tired of the struggle? Want to find peace and feel complete? Read on!

I watched a video last week that really touched my heart. I felt the need to talk about it after which I will share the link. First, I have to say how blessed I feel to live in Canada. We can go out and buy a Bible with so many different translations to choose from. Many local churches will even give you a Bible if you can't afford one or simply don't have one. We can also download a Bible app to our smart phones or tablets or access the Bible online. We are free to buy it, to read it and to talk about it. We have free access to God's Word yet at the same time we have so much excess available to us that we end up keeping ourselves too busy for the one thing that will truly make us happy. We have TV, internet, computers, laptops, sports (both watching and playing), cell phones, tablets, video games, movies, DVDs, CDs, MP3s, music, shopping, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying any of these things are wrong. However, if any of these things are done in excess to the point of usurping your regular responsibilities or alienating your friends and family, then it's a problem.

It is all about relationships. We were created, first and foremost, to have a relationship with Jesus and I'm not talking about a casual "yea I've heard of Him" or "yea I believe in Him" and that's as far as it goes. I am talking about pursuing a deep, personal friendship with Jesus - one where you know Him personally, you trust him completely and you talk to him about anything and everything - because you are well aware of how much He loves you and because you have actually experienced that love, now you want to serve Him wholeheartedly as an expression of your deep love and appreciation of Him. That is the kind of relationship I'm talking about and anyone can have that, you can have that. It's like any other friendship, the more time you spend together the closer you become.

In Matthew 22:37-39 Jesus said:

Jesus answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and most important command. And the second command is like the first: 'Love your neighbor as you love yourself.'

Who is our neighbor? Our neighbor is anyone we come into contact with. Notice how Jesus said "love your neighbor as you love yourself." There are plenty of people who don't love themselves so they can't properly love others. Maybe they never grew up having a nurturing, loving parent or parents. There are so many different reasons. Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about. If we grow up not being or feeling loved we will have a hard time receiving love, love from others and the love of our Father God because somewhere deep inside of our heart we don't fell like we deserve to be loved.

Her comes the good part. When we receive Jesus, God's son, as our Savior He comes to live inside of our heart in the form of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit then begins working on our hearts, healing our pain, mending our brokenness, filling that emptiness, exposing damaging lies we have believed about ourselves, revealing the truth about us and the way Father God feels about us and filling us up with His love.

If we don't feel we deserve to be loved we will have a hard time receiving love from God or anyone else. If we don't feel loved it is impossible to fulfill the second command "love your neighbor as you love yourself." If you don't love yourself how can you love anyone else? You can't give away what you don't have.

Thank God He sent His Son Jesus to intercede for us. In Mark 10:27 (The Message) Jesus was telling the disciples how difficult it was for man to get into the Kingdom of God and his disciples asked who has any chance at all. He responded by saying:

Jesus was blunt: "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you let God do it."

Have you ever seen that movie "Jerry Maguire" with Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger? Once Tom realizes what he had with Renee he returns to her and says "you complete me." We were all created with a God-shaped hole inside of our hearts that is reserved only for God and we will never feel complete without Him. We often try to fill that hole in our hearts with other stuff like drugs, sex, alcohol, pornography, etc., but it never lasts. When you allow Jesus into your heart and life and you begin working with the Holy Spirit, you will finally become complete and full of love, so full of love it will just naturally flow onto anyone (neighbor) who crosses your path. The only relationship that can truly complete us is a relationship with Jesus.

You can begin pursuing a relationship with Jesus right now. Pick up your Bible which is the Word of God and start reading it, I recommend starting in the book of John. If you are new to reading the Bible I recommend starting with a (New Living Translation).

John 1:1 (NLT) says:

"In the beginning the Word already existed. The Word was with God, and the Word was God."

John 1:14 (NLT) says:

"So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father's one and only Son."

So Jesus is the Word of God and he was with God before anything was ever created. Jesus (the Word) became flesh and lived among us. God is a three-part God consisting of God - Jesus - Holy Spirit. The Word is the Bible which explains why we would get to know Jesus if we read it. The Word of God is our most valuable treasure on this earth and so many people don't even realize it. So many countries don't have the same freedom we have and you will see in the following video how valuable the Word of God is to those who know what it contains.



It really humbled me and made me realize how lucky I am. If any of my blog posts have touched your heart I want to hear about it. Please leave a comment on the blog post that touched your heart.

Satan injects negative thoughts but God provides the Ultimate Weapon!

Have you ever spent time playing the PAC-MAN game when you were a kid? When I was much younger I spent many hours playing that game and I can't forget Ms. PAC-MAN as well. I remember running around gobbling up pac-dots and running away from those dang ghosts who always seemed to be just a little bit faster. I would grit my teeth and hope to make it to a power pellet with all 4 ghosts hot on my trail. Of course that only lasted for a short time and then they were back again and hot on my trail. If I remember correctly, Pinky was the ghost who usually caused me the most grief. Here is a picture of the game:

PAC-MAN kind of reminds me of myself and what I used to be like. I used to gobble up all of the garbage lies that satan fed to me. I never knew all those negative thoughts that I allowed to have free reign in my mind were actually being fed to me by satan and his army of fallen angels. Thoughts like, "nobody loves you. Things will never change. You're an accident. You don't belong here. You're damaged goods. Nobody cares what you have to say. Your life will never get any better." All of these thoughts were like those pac-dots in the PAC-MAN game and I gobbled them up as my own thoughts (it was my truth, my reality). Of course satan also uses  people to spit forth mean, nasty, hurtful words and like a snake injects venom into its victim we often receive those words as truth.

When I started reading my Bible I discovered that all of those negative thoughts were lies. This is what it says about satan in John 8:44 (NLT)

 ". . . he has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

The Bible actually calls satan the father of lies. There is no truth found in him. When you receive Jesus as your personal savior the Holy Spirit comes to live inside you to lead and guide you through this life and that  includes leading you to wisdom and truth. If you take the time to read God's word the Holy Spirit will be able to reveal God's truth to you and set you free from those lies you have been believing about yourself for so long. The bible says in John 8:32 (NLT)

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

That is exactly what receiving Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior and reading the Bible did for me, it set me free. The Bible also says, "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed."

I have learned that God actually loves me exactly the way I am. I learned that even though my parents never planned me He did and that He has good plans for me. Jeremiah 1:5 (NCV) and Psalm 139:13 (NLT):

"Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work." "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb."

Now I don't just sit back and take it. I no longer gobble up every lie (pac-dot thought) that pops up, I fight back. When the devil tries to feed me more of his garbage lies I open my mouth and speak God's truth and it defeats him every time. Now, when he tries to tell me, "your life will never change" I fight back by throwing scripture back at him and say, "God has good plans for me" as it says in Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) and Philippians 4:13 (AM)

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me (I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency)."

That last scripture has brought me through a lot of tough situations (spiritual battles). I used to carry it around in my purse and pull it out whenever I needed it. Now I carry it around in my heart and mind. You would not believe how much this discovery has changed my life. It actually says in the Bible in 2 Corinthians 10:4 (NCV)

"We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy's strong places..."

I also like the way the Amplified Translation says that same scripture:

"For the weapons of our warfare are not physical (weapons of flesh and blood), but they are might before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds,"

God has placed us in this world, but He has not left us without weapons. God's word is a powerful weapon. Prayer and Worship are powerful weapons. We are in a (spiritual) battle everyday and it takes place in our thought life. The enemy's strong places or "strongholds" as the Amplified version words it are those repetitive negative thoughts we have that play over and over in our minds like a broken record.

If you receive Jesus as your Savior and if you start to read the Bible your life is going to change in amazing ways. God's word will come alive. You will begin feeding your spirit the truth and it will take root inside your heart. It will begin to expose the lies that you have been believing for so long, perhaps all your life. Reading the Bible is like PAC-MAN eating those power pellets giving you the ability to defeat the enemy (satan and his lies). When PAC-MAN eats that power pellet those ghosts that were on his heels do a 180 degree turn and head for the hills. When you feel bombarded by those negative thoughts which are like the ghosts in PAC-MAN you just have to open your mouth and quote a scripture of truth and they will do a 180 degree turn and run in the opposite direction. You also need to know that one time will not be the end of it. They will  come back and try again just like the ghosts always come back to chase you in PAC-MAN. However, it does get easier.

What Satan Intended for Harm God Used for Good

I thought my days of being bullied would end when I graduated from high school, but apparently that was not the case. Through my years of life experience, I have learned that spiritual warfare is alive and well on planet earth. I define spiritual warfare as God's angels coming to the aid (through speaking God's Word and prayer) of God's children (believers) as satan and his fallen angels attempt to destroy our lives.  

Ephesians 6:11-13 (NLT)

Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.

I like the way the Message translation words it. It says:

Ephesians 6:10-18 (The Message)

God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

 Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Satan and his demons watch and study us very closely. They know what pushes our buttons. They know what hurts us the most and they will use people and circumstances to attack us.

1 Peter 5:8 (NLT)

Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.

I read a book called “The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman." In it I learned that everyone has their own love language and they use that love language to communicate their love to the people in their lives. The problem with that is, unless the other person has the exact same love language it will not be received as love. 

Finding out someone else’s love language gives you the ability to communicate your love to the people in your life in their love language so they will be able to receive it. At the end of the book there is a test you can do to find out what your love language is. There will sometimes be 1 that is dominant and sometimes there are 2 or 3 that are very close which would mean that you have more than 1 love language (you are bilingual). Once you read the book you can often figure out what other people’s love languages are if you hang around them long enough. 

The 5 love languages are:

1.   Touch

2.   Acts of Service

3.   Gifts

4.   Quality Time

5.   Words of Affirmation

Here is a link to the website where you can take the quiz if you are interested. 

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

When I did my love language test, Quality Time was at the top at 10 points with Words of Affirmation right behind at 9 points. The rest were much lower (5,3,5).

When you receive the exact opposite of your love language, it hurts even more than usual because it's your love language. For example, if your love language is touch and your spouse (or parents) never hug you or put their arms around you, it hurts a lot, but if your love language is gifts and your spouse (or parents) shower you with gifts, you aren’t going to care as much that they don't hug you.

So quality time and words of affirmation are my love languages. Words of affirmation are kind words that make you feel good about yourself, compliments. When I receive the opposite of my love language (words of affirmation), for example, if someone calls me names, belittles my existence or threatens me, then it hurts me twice as much because it is one of my love languages.

With that being said, satan and his demons began attacking me with the opposite of words of affirmation through some bullies in high school. After graduation they used the same amo through a relationship I was in with a guy, then through a really bad boss, then through my niece and just in May 2012 through my tenant. I was renting out my basement suite to a guy.

He was late paying his rent for May so I put a reminder notice on his door. When he came home and found the notice he became very angry. He knocked on my door and when I opened it I could tell by reading his body language that he was really angry before he ever spoke a word. He proceeded to raise his voice as he hurled insults, belittled my existence, made up lies and threatened me. It was clear to me he had no intention of paying his rent. I tried to remain calm at least outwardly while inside I just wanted to curl up into the fetal position and hide. 

The same feelings of fear I used to have while being bullied in high school, in a past relationship, etc., returned. Near the end of the conversation I could not take it anymore. Unfortunately, in a moment of weakness I stooped to his level and hurled some of my own insults back. Of course, none of mine were nearly as nasty as his, but still I was disappointed in myself for not responding in more of a Christian way. It was clearly another attack from satan using the exact same amo. 

Matthew 5:43-47 (The Message)

 "You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves. This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

My point is, we are all only human and we will never behave perfectly at all times, but if you have the Holy Spirit living inside your heart then He begins to change you little by little. The old me (before I came to know and love Jesus) would have responded a lot worse.

None of us can behave better for any length of time without God, BUT with Jesus by our side and with the help of the Holy Spirit we will begin to change as we surrender our will and plan for Gods.

So the next time you behave in a way that you regret, I don’t want you to beat yourself up about it. Apologize to the person and bring it to God, repent (means you're sorry and you have no intention of repeating the same action). If you haven’t yet invited Jesus into your heart then do so and ask Him to help you. He will. If you want help inviting Jesus into your heart and life just ask and I would be happy to help. 

Now for the best part of the story, immediately after this horrendous conversation my aunt shows up at my door. She tells me that she was on her way home when she heard God telling her, “Go check on Rowena, Go check on Rowena.” I was so glad she heard God and obeyed because I REALLY needed someone to talk to at that moment. 

When she told me that God told her to check on me I cried because I knew at that moment that God saw the whole ugly event take place. He saw someone picking on His girl (that would be me) and He sent reinforcements to help me when I needed it the most. In THAT moment I tangibly FELT how much God loves me and it felt so amazing I can't even put it into words. J 

Satan came at me with the same attack that he has hit me with through other people many times before; one that he knows leaves me shakin’ in my boots. But it totally backfired on satan because God took what satan intended to hurt me and He turned it into something good.

Genesis 50:20

As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…

Now, instead of thinking about how horribly unfair I was treated and getting upset and mad, anytime I think about it I can’t help but smile because all I can think about is how God used that situation to show me how much He loves me. J

God's love is so pure (limitless, immense); it is so much greater and far more powerful than any love you will ever find or experience here on earth. God does not play favorites and He loves you just as much as He loves me. He is waiting with open arms for you to turn towards him and run into his welcoming arms. Only you can make that choice; no one can make it for you.  

Treadmill workout and a precious God moment

I have a true story to share with you. I was working out on my treadmill. I have Shaw digital TV and I am scanning the music channels for “high energy” music to keep me motivated. I stopped on the 80s channel. OK, so maybe I am showing my age here, but I am an 80s girl. Anyway, this song came on called, “Got my mind set on you” by George Harrison. Does anyone know the song I am talking about? If the lyrics will fit I will sometimes turn a song into a worship song and sing it as a form of worship to God. When I heard the main chorus of the song I felt like it was the perfect worship song so I began singing the lyrics to the chorus only and worshiping God while working out on my treadmill. The lyrics in the chorus are pretty simple. They are, “I got my mind set on you” repeated over and over. So there I was singing at the top of my lungs while working out on my treadmill singing, “I got my mind set on you” and pointing to the sky. I suppose it is a good thing I workout at home instead of at the gym…lol. Here is a link to the song if you want to hear it: http://youtu.be/jQM9rwt_MHc

Then the song ended and I can’t remember if it was the very next song or the song after that, but shortly after that song I heard God say to me in my heart, “Now I have a song for you that I want you to listen to. Pay close attention to the chorus lyrics because this explains how I feel about you.” Has anyone here ever been Rick Rolled? If you have you will know exactly what song I am talking about. The song is called, “Never gonna give you up” by Rick Astley, another 80s song of course. When I listened to the words in the chorus of this song and knew that God was telling me this is how He feels about me, I felt incredibly happy; it was an amazing God moment. I felt so loved. I know He feels the same way about you too. If you have ever struggled with feeling like God doesn’t want you or He doesn’t care about you or that you are not good enough, don’t believe it, those are lies coming from the enemy. I know God feels the exact same way about you as He does about me and this song applies to you just as much as it does to me. I know He loves the fact that I am sharing this with you now. Here is a link to the song: http://youtu.be/k7oVeqs-ve8 (Play the song) Go ahead and dance, sing or do both if you want to. J

Remember this only applies to the chorus lyrics of the song, not the verses. The chorus lyrics are posted below:

Never Gonna Give you up Lyrics

Rick Astley
CHORUS
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

For those of you who have never been Rick Rolled and would like the pleasure of the experience so you know exactly what I am talking about click on this link: http://thekickback.com/rickroll/rickroll.php

I have to tell you that sharing a moment like that with God feels incredible. Just the fact that God would care about me so much that He would send me a song to tell me how much He loves me? Little ol’ me? It is an amazing feeling. Who am I that He should care so much for me? But He does care for me. He does love me. And He loves you just as much.

In Acts 10:34 the Bible says, “It's God's own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you're from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open…”

What I am trying to say is there is nothing special about me. If God will communicate his love for me He will do it for you too, he does not play favorites as we read about in the previous verse. The fact is God is always trying to communicate with us. The problem is we become too preoccupied and too busy with the things in our life that we fail to hear him.
We fill our heads with text messages, work, video games, music, movies, sports, time with friends, etc. None of these things are bad if they are clean and moral. It is all about balance. So many people say they are just too busy to spend time with God, but the truth is, we always make time for what is important to us. If friends are important to you, you will always make time to hang out with them and enjoy your time with them. God is no different. He wants to be your best friend. If you will make time for Him every day like you do other things that are important to you, I PROMISE you, YOU WILL begin to feel His presence, YOU WILL begin to feel His love for you and YOU WILL hear from Him!

So many people say they don’t feel God or they think of Him as this being out there in the universe somewhere, but the truth is God is never far away. We are the ones who move ourselves further away from Him by crowding Him out of our lives with other things. The choice is always ours.

He communicates to each person in unique ways. He speaks to us in a way that He knows we will receive it. For example, when He Rick Rolled me He knew I was listening to the music to see if I could turn it into a form of worship as I was working out. I had just finished singing the chorus lyrics to Him as a form of worship. He knew I would hear Him at that moment. And I am here to tell you, when you hear from Him, the love you feel from Him, it is like no other, it is out of this world, literally, and cannot even be compared with the kind of love you will ever find on this earth. Just like the song lyrics say, He will never give up on you, He will never lie to you, He will never hurt you and He will NEVER leave you! Those are promises you can trust completely. We have all been hurt, lied to, given up on and left behind, etc., but there is One Who will never do that to you. I pray my treadmill God moment blesses you…

A rare God moment involving a pigeon

April 19, 2010

After spending 6 hours working at my computer, I decided to take a break and enjoy some of the warm sunny spring weather by taking my dogs out for a walk. While I am out walking the dogs I always see pigeons searching for spilled grain on the train tracks. As I continued to walk I noticed one pigeon in particular who looked quite different from any pigeon I had ever seen before. This pigeon was not the traditional grey color. This pigeon was golden brown and white in color.


I walked as closely I possibly could, pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and tried to figure out how to work the camera in my phone. I began to take some pictures of this rare-looking pigeon. I captured a few images and then continued my walk. As I was walking away I thought to myself "what a beautiful unique pigeon." Immediately after I thought that, I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "Just as you think that is a beautiful unique pigeon, I think you are my beautiful unique girl."

I can't tell you how awesome it made me feel to hear those words coming from my "Daddy," which is what I now like to call him after reading "The Shack" by William Paul Young. I found myself smiling and saying, "Aw, thank you daddy."

Do you ever hear from God? Are wondering how it is that I hear from God in this way? Would you like to be able to hear from Him? He speaks to me in several different ways. Sometimes He speaks to me through His word, sometimes through dreams, sometimes through a Christian book I am reading, sometimes through people and sometimes it is the still small voice of the Holy Spirit that speaks to me.


I have found that the better I get to know my "daddy" in a personal way, the more I am able to hear from Him by any of the abovementioned methods. I also know that before I made the choice to put Him first in my life and actively pursue a relationship with him, I never heard from Him in those ways. It wasn't because He didn't want to communicate with me, it was because He left the choice to me to seek Him out for myself or leave Him out of my life. As soon as I started choosing Him, I started hearing from Him.

I saw this unique pigeon while walking my dogs at the beginning of the week, Monday, April 19. I really enjoyed hearing from God in this way and a week later I realized why He spoke those words of love to me that day. He knew how terribly my week was going to end and He gave me something to remember while going through it.

On Saturday, April 24, my dog Sandy that I have shared almost 12 years of my life with passed away. On Saturday afternoon I could tell she was in distress. After several tests and hours later at the vet clinic, her diagnosis was not good and I had to make the most painful choice in love by ending her suffering and letting her go. Losing her is like losing a member of my family and it is extremely painful.

It is only now as I move through this grief that only a person who has loved and lost a pet can understand that I realize why God spoke those words of comfort to me when he did earlier that week. I have been recalling those words of comfort often and it has strengthened me.

I also ended up accidentally taking a picture of my dog Sandy while we were walking that day that I saw the pigeon. I was trying to figure out how to work the camera in my phone and I had accidently taken a picture and she is in it. Little did I know it would be my last week with my beautiful Sandy and one of the last walks we shared together.

I am dedicating this blog post in loving memory of my beautiful dog Sandy.