Ailing Father Prophesies His Funeral

In February 2016 an MRI revealed that my dad had a grade IV Glioblastoma brain tumor. It is the worst kind. His prognosis was not good and he was given approximately 6 months to live. My happy-go-lucky, extremely independent, healthy, hard-working, go-getting, 66-year-old dad who was still working full-time was changing before my very eyes. Every week when I went to visit him he was worse. My dad changed from this positive, upbeat, whistling everywhere he goes, joking around person to a tired, sad, depressed version of my dad. In a very short time he became paralyzed on his right side and wheelchair bound. Then he could no longer verbalize his thoughts. He could only say yes or no and even then sometimes when he said yes he meant no and vise versa. The dad I knew and loved was gone and what was left of him was only a shell of whom I had once known. Although he was still there in the flesh, I missed him terribly and my heart was breaking. 

My dad and I when he was perfectly healthy

I was always daddy's little girl. He would fly up north for work for a week and fly back home for a week. On his week back home I knew he was looking forward to seeing me (his little girl), and if I didn't show up soon I would hear from him or my mom with regards to the fact that he was looking forward to seeing me. When I would come over each week as his health, his independence and his physical body slowly declined, my mom told me he would "light up" when he saw me. I could no longer tell he was happy to see me, and he could no longer wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight, so I treasure knowing that my mom could see him "light up." My mom worked extremely hard taking good care of him, loving him and keeping him comfortable at home until July 28, 2016, when he was taken by ambulance and admitted to Palliative care. 

 I took every opportunity to connect with my ailing father,

I'm holding the hand that was not paralyzed.

If only my love could have healed my dad

Up to this point I had a choice to make, I could blame God and ask, "why, God, why him?" OR I could realize that we live in a fallen, broken, decaying, temporary world. This earth is not heaven, far from it. Nothing on this earth will last forever. On this earth sickness, disease, sadness, decay, sin, evil and the devil run rampant. If I needed someone to blame and hate, it was going to be Satan. Instead, I chose to call on God for help and strength. I chose to trust God and lean on Him to help me through this extremely difficult situation. I felt His loving presence often throughout this ordeal and I still do.

In the early morning hours of July 31, 2016, I felt a strong urge to go see my dad at the hospital. I arrived at 12:30 a.m. His condition shocked me. His breathing was labored and rattling. He was unresponsive and unconscious. I was told his breathing was called the "death rattle." I hope I never have to hear that again as long as I live. It was brutal!

I placed my right hand on his head. I held my Bible in my left hand and read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 and verses 16-18 as well as chapter 5:1-8. 

These pictures were taken from my Bible that I read to my dad that night

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

2 Corinthians 5:1 and 2

2 Corinthians 5:3-8

My reading ended on page 1326 of my Bible. Earlier, in May 2016 I had done my very first Bible art journal entry. It's a butterfly and it stood for the verse found in 2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away; 

behold, all things have become new. 

My dad loved butterflies and what they represent as a born-again Christian. If you read my previous blog entry titled, "The Butterfly Gift" you will understand better. Here is a link to my previous blog entry: 

http://living-waters-spring.blogspot.ca/2016_07_01_archive.html

My reading to dad ending on this page was not a coincidence, it was a GOD-incidence! 

I sat down beside my dad's bed and placed my hands on his left knee. My mom was also seated at his left side holding his hand. Two of my aunts (his sisters) were on his right side. He was surrounded by women who loved him deeply. I told him we would be OK and he could let go now. I told him he could go see his mom now. I placed my head down on his bed. My head rocked with every labored breath he took. At 2:00 a.m. my dad's spirit left his ailing body and he went to be with Jesus. I was right by his side when it happened. 

This was put up at the hospital shortly after my dad went to be with Jesus

I take great comfort in the fact that I know my daddy is in heaven and I will, one day, see him again. It was also comforting to know that God understood my heartache as He too watched His son Jesus suffer greatly and die on the cross to pay the penalty of the sins of all who choose to believe in Him. 

My dad's funeral was held on Friday, August 5, 2016. Some time earlier in July my mom had told me that dad had spoken almost a full sentence to her. Speaking a full sentence was something my dad could no longer do. On July 16 he said, "Three more weeks and then..." He never finished that sentence, but he was able to repeat it one more time. I believe God showed him how much time of suffering he had left on this earth before he would be freed from his ailing, paralyzed body and his funeral would take place. Perhaps he never finished the sentence because he didn't want to upset my mom, but in his own way he wanted to prepare her for what was about to take place. His funeral took place 20 days after he spoke those words, exactly 3 weeks later. 

 I can't wait to see you again daddy... until then I miss you so much!

My dad is even happier now with Jesus than he was in this picture with my mom

Every family member wore a butterfly pendant at my dad's funeral.

 This is the butterfly pendant I wore at my dad's funeral

This was the hardest blog post I have ever written. It's written from my broken heart and the wounds are still so fresh, but I felt the Lord leading me to share this. If it brings even one person hope, encourages one person, leads one person to Jesus, or provides some healing to a wounded soul, then revisiting these fresh wounds is so worth it. I believe God is using my pain to help others and in so doing my pain is not wasted.

The Butterfly Gift

The Butterfly Gift

June 2016

As far back as I can remember my dad has always loved butterflies. When I was following my own plans for my life and not the Lord’s, my dad occasionally gave me a ‘butterfly suncatcher’ gift.

I believe one of the main reasons my dad loves butterflies so much is the Christian metamorphosis process which he shared with me in the past. Here is a link to learn more about this process  http://loyal2him.com/foundations/butterfly.htm

I believe my dad was giving me butterfly suncatchers to remind me about this process.

Once I discovered (THE LONG AND HARD WAY) that my own plans always ended up a complete disaster I decided to invite Jesus into my life, and then those suncatcher gifts became pretty special to me.

These are the suncatcher butterfly gifts from my dad. Since my dad has recently become very sick with an inoperable brain tumour and only months to live, these have become even more precious to me. I have had these suncatchers for decades. I have even lost 3 out of the 4 pieces of glass in the large butterfly suncatcher, but I continue to treasure it. 

This Father's Day I bought my dad a large glass butterfly ornament to hang outside so he could admire it from his wheelchair when he sits outside on the deck

Dad’s butterfly collection

 I have a young friend I like to call my Sunday daughter.

We became friends at church and she used to sit with me, hence the name.

We connected on some level and have been friends ever since despite the fact that she has since moved away. 

Pictures of us hanging out at church functions

I was dressed as a Sesame Street character called a Yip-Yip

She didn’t know it was me inside

 She discovers it’s me underneath. Look at that adorable toothless smile. J

Sweet hugs!

A video of Justin and I as the Yip-Yips

This was the day of my baptism

We were spinning

I had to publicly share my testimony. Public speaking was pretty intimidating for me. I remember telling her I was scared and asking her if she wanted to stand beside me as I stood up and shared my story. She was pretty surprised to hear that even someone like me (so old) can still get scared sometimes. She was happy to stay by my side.

 Getting baptized was a huge step of obedience for me as I was in the middle of the process of overcoming Agoraphobia and severe panic attacks. God placed this sweet little girl into my life to help me through it. Isn’t she adorable?

 We had a play date and hung out one night. We had so much fun together. 

This was 2 years ago.

 This June 2016 we had the opportunity to have another play date

She gave me a very special gift. It’s a glass butterfly jewelry holder

Inside were two bracelets. 

On the pendant are the words, “my other half.”

 I didn’t understand the significance of this gift until days later when God began revealing it to me. Once I fully understood, it brought me tears of joy. God reminded me about those suncatcher gifts my dad gave me. He reminded me why my dad loves butterflies. He showed me how far I have come along in my faith and battle with fear. He revealed to me that although my dad can no longer bring me butterfly gifts, He, my heavenly Father, can. He had Sadie, my Sunday daughter, act as his messenger who brought me a butterfly gift. She had no idea I loved butterflies or the meaning behind them.

I had to share this with her mom and let her know how God used her daughter to bless me with her butterfly gift. When her mom told her how God used her, her mouth dropped open, a huge smile crossed her face and she said, “I feel happy. I’m grateful that God used me. I didn’t even know that about butterflies. I tried trading the butterfly one with a heart one but Sierra said no, but God knew that’s why.” 

This one simple butterfly gift has since blessed me, Sadie, her family and now all who read this. 

God is a good God! 

Heart issues

I was reading my bible one afternoon and I came across a piece of scripture that literally jumped off the page as I was reading it. Ok, not literally, but it might as well have. The verse caught my eye and I could not help but read it over and over and over again. It was like the font of this one verse was larger and darker than all the others on the page. At that point I realized God was trying to tell me something and I needed to pay close attention.

The verse was Psalm 116:11. I was reading from the NIV which reads as follows:

"And in my dismay I said, all men are liars."

The part that really jumped off the page was actually, "all men are liars." By drawing my attention to this particular piece of scripture, God was revealing to me a problem I had in my heart. God saw a heart issue that I needed to be made aware of so that I could deal with it and then enjoy a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.

Everyone has had their share of problems growing up and I am no exception. I have been targeted by men with inappropriate sexual desires. This began at around the tender young age of 11. My childhood innocence was robbed by men seeking to satisfy their own evil desires. No one ever came to my rescue, not even God. That is how I felt. I had received Jesus into my heart at a young age and I often asked God, why did you allow this to happen to me?

In an effort to make sense about what had happened and in order to protect myself in the future, I made a vow. I vowed never to allow a man to get close enough to hurt me again. I told myself, "No man can ever be trusted!" My father hadn't been there to protect me as I thought he should be. He didn't come to my rescue. How could he? My parents were separated. I felt that if my parents had not been separated, this man would not have had the opportunity to be alone with me as he did.

The feeling of abandonment by my father grew deeper after this happened. I had already felt abandoned by my father. First, I had felt rejected and abandoned because I had been born at a time in his life when he was not ready to be a father and a child feels that. Second, He then chose alcohol over our family which led to my parents splitting up.

Back to that piece of scripture. After reading over that piece of scripture several times, my Heavenly Father spoke to my heart. He said, "When you made that vow as a young girl, you included me." I was in shock. He was right. I never realized that before but He was absolutely right. I had blamed God for allowing that to happen to me. I had blamed my earthly father too for not being there to protect me. I repented and I cried.

When I made that vow with myself to never trust another man, it kept me from trusting my Heavenly Father. "All men cannot be trusted," that was my version of the truth. Satan planted that lie in my head and I continued to believe that lie for many, many years. Now I know that believing the lie Satan planted in my head as my version of the truth only brought destruction and sorrow. God exposed Satan's lie and revealed the truth. God's truth brings healing to my soul and life to my spirit. Since I was eagerly seeking a close relationship with God, I was feasting on His Word (the bible) every day. And in doing so, He revealed the truth and it set me free from the lies that I had been believing for so long. I used to feel so afraid, ashamed and tainted, but now I feel safe and loved, secure and free. Just like it says in His Word, John 8:31,32:

"If you abide in My Word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

You know, there is a direct correlation between a person's relationship with their earthly father and their relationship with their Heavenly Father. I have been seeking a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and He pointed out this heart issue so that I could deal with it and have that relationship that I was seeking. Yes, it was hard to revisit that time in my life, but He knew I was ready and I was ok because He was walking me through it.

I now know everything that happens in life is God-filtered. I also know we live in a fallen, broken world, full of sin and decay. Because of this and man's free will, man can make choices, either for good or for evil. I also know that God can use anything in life. He can take those awful, painful experiences from the past and turn them into something that can be used for good. That is exactly what He has done here. Because He has walked me through this process, I am now able to share my experiences with others. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to talk about it and in doing so, I am giving others the freedom and courage to do the same. I have heard Joyce Meyer say, "What we hide has power over us" and that is so true.