Ailing Father Prophesies His Funeral

In February 2016 an MRI revealed that my dad had a grade IV Glioblastoma brain tumor. It is the worst kind. His prognosis was not good and he was given approximately 6 months to live. My happy-go-lucky, extremely independent, healthy, hard-working, go-getting, 66-year-old dad who was still working full-time was changing before my very eyes. Every week when I went to visit him he was worse. My dad changed from this positive, upbeat, whistling everywhere he goes, joking around person to a tired, sad, depressed version of my dad. In a very short time he became paralyzed on his right side and wheelchair bound. Then he could no longer verbalize his thoughts. He could only say yes or no and even then sometimes when he said yes he meant no and vise versa. The dad I knew and loved was gone and what was left of him was only a shell of whom I had once known. Although he was still there in the flesh, I missed him terribly and my heart was breaking. 

My dad and I when he was perfectly healthy

I was always daddy's little girl. He would fly up north for work for a week and fly back home for a week. On his week back home I knew he was looking forward to seeing me (his little girl), and if I didn't show up soon I would hear from him or my mom with regards to the fact that he was looking forward to seeing me. When I would come over each week as his health, his independence and his physical body slowly declined, my mom told me he would "light up" when he saw me. I could no longer tell he was happy to see me, and he could no longer wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight, so I treasure knowing that my mom could see him "light up." My mom worked extremely hard taking good care of him, loving him and keeping him comfortable at home until July 28, 2016, when he was taken by ambulance and admitted to Palliative care. 

 I took every opportunity to connect with my ailing father,

I'm holding the hand that was not paralyzed.

If only my love could have healed my dad

Up to this point I had a choice to make, I could blame God and ask, "why, God, why him?" OR I could realize that we live in a fallen, broken, decaying, temporary world. This earth is not heaven, far from it. Nothing on this earth will last forever. On this earth sickness, disease, sadness, decay, sin, evil and the devil run rampant. If I needed someone to blame and hate, it was going to be Satan. Instead, I chose to call on God for help and strength. I chose to trust God and lean on Him to help me through this extremely difficult situation. I felt His loving presence often throughout this ordeal and I still do.

In the early morning hours of July 31, 2016, I felt a strong urge to go see my dad at the hospital. I arrived at 12:30 a.m. His condition shocked me. His breathing was labored and rattling. He was unresponsive and unconscious. I was told his breathing was called the "death rattle." I hope I never have to hear that again as long as I live. It was brutal!

I placed my right hand on his head. I held my Bible in my left hand and read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 and verses 16-18 as well as chapter 5:1-8. 

These pictures were taken from my Bible that I read to my dad that night

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

2 Corinthians 5:1 and 2

2 Corinthians 5:3-8

My reading ended on page 1326 of my Bible. Earlier, in May 2016 I had done my very first Bible art journal entry. It's a butterfly and it stood for the verse found in 2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away; 

behold, all things have become new. 

My dad loved butterflies and what they represent as a born-again Christian. If you read my previous blog entry titled, "The Butterfly Gift" you will understand better. Here is a link to my previous blog entry: 

http://living-waters-spring.blogspot.ca/2016_07_01_archive.html

My reading to dad ending on this page was not a coincidence, it was a GOD-incidence! 

I sat down beside my dad's bed and placed my hands on his left knee. My mom was also seated at his left side holding his hand. Two of my aunts (his sisters) were on his right side. He was surrounded by women who loved him deeply. I told him we would be OK and he could let go now. I told him he could go see his mom now. I placed my head down on his bed. My head rocked with every labored breath he took. At 2:00 a.m. my dad's spirit left his ailing body and he went to be with Jesus. I was right by his side when it happened. 

This was put up at the hospital shortly after my dad went to be with Jesus

I take great comfort in the fact that I know my daddy is in heaven and I will, one day, see him again. It was also comforting to know that God understood my heartache as He too watched His son Jesus suffer greatly and die on the cross to pay the penalty of the sins of all who choose to believe in Him. 

My dad's funeral was held on Friday, August 5, 2016. Some time earlier in July my mom had told me that dad had spoken almost a full sentence to her. Speaking a full sentence was something my dad could no longer do. On July 16 he said, "Three more weeks and then..." He never finished that sentence, but he was able to repeat it one more time. I believe God showed him how much time of suffering he had left on this earth before he would be freed from his ailing, paralyzed body and his funeral would take place. Perhaps he never finished the sentence because he didn't want to upset my mom, but in his own way he wanted to prepare her for what was about to take place. His funeral took place 20 days after he spoke those words, exactly 3 weeks later. 

 I can't wait to see you again daddy... until then I miss you so much!

My dad is even happier now with Jesus than he was in this picture with my mom

Every family member wore a butterfly pendant at my dad's funeral.

 This is the butterfly pendant I wore at my dad's funeral

This was the hardest blog post I have ever written. It's written from my broken heart and the wounds are still so fresh, but I felt the Lord leading me to share this. If it brings even one person hope, encourages one person, leads one person to Jesus, or provides some healing to a wounded soul, then revisiting these fresh wounds is so worth it. I believe God is using my pain to help others and in so doing my pain is not wasted.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

I am sure many of you have heard sermon's about forgiveness; I know I have. Anyone who has been living on this earth for any amount of time has had the opportunity to practice forgiveness. Some of you have had many more opportunities to practice forgiveness than others. It is very clear that since we live in a fallen, broken world people will disappoint us; some will hurt us, some will betray us, and some will leave us either through death or by choice.

For me personally, I have been living on this earth for over 40 years now and I have had many opportunities to practice forgiveness. For many years I did not forgive my offenders. I held on to it and let it fester and grow into bitterness and resentment until it poisoned my thoughts, my attitude and my life.

It was not an easy road to take, forgiveness that is. It was a choice I finally made later in life. I can also honestly say that the consequences of unforgiveness was a much harsher, more painful road. I forgave my father for choosing alcohol over his family. I grew up with alcoholism and as a result my parents separated for about three years. When they turned their lives completely over to God He worked a tremendous miracle in their individual lives and in thier marriage. They have a truly amazing story about the healing power of God.

During the time my parents were separated there was a man who used to deliver fresh farm eggs to our home in the city. My mom was a working, single mom trying to raise two young kids and pay a mortgage. This man obviously knew her work schedule and one day he chose to come by early when he knew she would not be home. My younger brother and I would walk home from school and be alone until my mom arrived home from work. I was about 10 or 11 years old. This man, the eggman I used to call him, found his way into my bedroom. I can remember he had the strangest look in his eyes and a wierd smirk on his face. He chased me around my bed until he caught me. He pinned me down on my bed and laid on top of me. I can remember being so scared and that I couldn't breath due to the weight of this large man laying on my tiny frame. Thankfully, my younger brother came home from school shortly after that and showed up in my room, but not before leaving a permanent scar on my young, innocent soul.

The "eggman" was my first experience with sexual assault. I had many more sexual assaults that followed throughout my life. At one time I had made friends with a man who was my hair dresser. I thought I knew him and I trusted him as my friend. One night he went from being my good friend whom I trusted to sexually assaulting me. As he was leaving my room afterwards he turned and looked at me laying on my bed with my clothes torn in pieces and said, "Don't be mad, I just wanted to show you what you were missing."

One Valentine's Day evening after I had been dating my boyfriend for over a year and he had been pressuring me to have sex with him, I gave in and promised him I would sleep with him on Valentine's night. I was a virgin at the time and had every intention of saving myself until I was married. After all the pressure I received from my boyfriend I convinced myself that I loved him and that I would marry him someday so it might be alright for me to sleep with him before marriage. As Valentine's evening progressed and we were starting to "make out" on his bed I got scared and changed my mind. I told him to stop but he didn't. I tried to move away from him until my head was touching the wall in the corner of his bed. I had nowhere left I could move and he was a very strong man. I didn't know it at the time but I had been date-raped by my boyfriend, what a way to lose my virginity.

I have never openly discussed these events from my past. I have only shared these stories with a few close friends and family members. I wanted to share these stories with you in order to give you some idea where I have come from on the road to forgiveness. I have had many other opportunities to exercise forgiveness. I used to blame my father for not being there to protect me when that "eggman" came into my bedroom. I held on to a lot of bitterness over that. I have had many other sexual assault incidents. I have had some really bad bosses in my lifetime. I have had friends betray me and a husband who left me.

A few years after receiving Jesus back into my life the Holy Spirit began to deal with my heart on the subject of forgiveness. I had a long list of people to forgive, let me tell you. At first it was just a simple act of obedience where I said I forgave them but I didn't feel it in my heart. A year or so later I was reading a book that described forgiveness for me in a way that made it easier for me to consider truly forgiving. In this book he said, "When you forgive others, you are not letting them off the hook but giving them to God, still wiggling on the hook. You are now off the hook."1 For some reason that stuck with me and made it easier for me to release all of those people I was trying to hold accountable through my own unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and resentment.

After my husband left me I also made the choice to forgive him. At first it was just words but I did not feel it in my heart. I had also read in another book that if I had truly forgiven someone then I would be able to pray for God to bless them so I decided to pray for God to bless my ex-husband. At first it was just empty words without any feelings involved but my heart began to catch up with my brain and line up with the choice I had made to forgive.

This does not mean that I have forgotten the bad things that have happened to me. It means I can now finally think about those events and talk about those events without them having any negative emotional power over me anymore. It has been a truly freeing and rewarding experience. Now when I talk about my past negative experiences I am doing so to show the healing power of Jesus in my life.

John 8:36 (New Living Translation)
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

1 - Sentence is from A More Excellent Way by Henry W. Wright (Pleasant Valley Publications, Seventh Edition, March 2005), p. 98.