Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself

I am sure many of you have heard sermon's about forgiveness; I know I have. Anyone who has been living on this earth for any amount of time has had the opportunity to practice forgiveness. Some of you have had many more opportunities to practice forgiveness than others. It is very clear that since we live in a fallen, broken world people will disappoint us; some will hurt us, some will betray us, and some will leave us either through death or by choice.

For me personally, I have been living on this earth for over 40 years now and I have had many opportunities to practice forgiveness. For many years I did not forgive my offenders. I held on to it and let it fester and grow into bitterness and resentment until it poisoned my thoughts, my attitude and my life.

It was not an easy road to take, forgiveness that is. It was a choice I finally made later in life. I can also honestly say that the consequences of unforgiveness was a much harsher, more painful road. I forgave my father for choosing alcohol over his family. I grew up with alcoholism and as a result my parents separated for about three years. When they turned their lives completely over to God He worked a tremendous miracle in their individual lives and in thier marriage. They have a truly amazing story about the healing power of God.

During the time my parents were separated there was a man who used to deliver fresh farm eggs to our home in the city. My mom was a working, single mom trying to raise two young kids and pay a mortgage. This man obviously knew her work schedule and one day he chose to come by early when he knew she would not be home. My younger brother and I would walk home from school and be alone until my mom arrived home from work. I was about 10 or 11 years old. This man, the eggman I used to call him, found his way into my bedroom. I can remember he had the strangest look in his eyes and a wierd smirk on his face. He chased me around my bed until he caught me. He pinned me down on my bed and laid on top of me. I can remember being so scared and that I couldn't breath due to the weight of this large man laying on my tiny frame. Thankfully, my younger brother came home from school shortly after that and showed up in my room, but not before leaving a permanent scar on my young, innocent soul.

The "eggman" was my first experience with sexual assault. I had many more sexual assaults that followed throughout my life. At one time I had made friends with a man who was my hair dresser. I thought I knew him and I trusted him as my friend. One night he went from being my good friend whom I trusted to sexually assaulting me. As he was leaving my room afterwards he turned and looked at me laying on my bed with my clothes torn in pieces and said, "Don't be mad, I just wanted to show you what you were missing."

One Valentine's Day evening after I had been dating my boyfriend for over a year and he had been pressuring me to have sex with him, I gave in and promised him I would sleep with him on Valentine's night. I was a virgin at the time and had every intention of saving myself until I was married. After all the pressure I received from my boyfriend I convinced myself that I loved him and that I would marry him someday so it might be alright for me to sleep with him before marriage. As Valentine's evening progressed and we were starting to "make out" on his bed I got scared and changed my mind. I told him to stop but he didn't. I tried to move away from him until my head was touching the wall in the corner of his bed. I had nowhere left I could move and he was a very strong man. I didn't know it at the time but I had been date-raped by my boyfriend, what a way to lose my virginity.

I have never openly discussed these events from my past. I have only shared these stories with a few close friends and family members. I wanted to share these stories with you in order to give you some idea where I have come from on the road to forgiveness. I have had many other opportunities to exercise forgiveness. I used to blame my father for not being there to protect me when that "eggman" came into my bedroom. I held on to a lot of bitterness over that. I have had many other sexual assault incidents. I have had some really bad bosses in my lifetime. I have had friends betray me and a husband who left me.

A few years after receiving Jesus back into my life the Holy Spirit began to deal with my heart on the subject of forgiveness. I had a long list of people to forgive, let me tell you. At first it was just a simple act of obedience where I said I forgave them but I didn't feel it in my heart. A year or so later I was reading a book that described forgiveness for me in a way that made it easier for me to consider truly forgiving. In this book he said, "When you forgive others, you are not letting them off the hook but giving them to God, still wiggling on the hook. You are now off the hook."1 For some reason that stuck with me and made it easier for me to release all of those people I was trying to hold accountable through my own unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and resentment.

After my husband left me I also made the choice to forgive him. At first it was just words but I did not feel it in my heart. I had also read in another book that if I had truly forgiven someone then I would be able to pray for God to bless them so I decided to pray for God to bless my ex-husband. At first it was just empty words without any feelings involved but my heart began to catch up with my brain and line up with the choice I had made to forgive.

This does not mean that I have forgotten the bad things that have happened to me. It means I can now finally think about those events and talk about those events without them having any negative emotional power over me anymore. It has been a truly freeing and rewarding experience. Now when I talk about my past negative experiences I am doing so to show the healing power of Jesus in my life.

John 8:36 (New Living Translation)
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

1 - Sentence is from A More Excellent Way by Henry W. Wright (Pleasant Valley Publications, Seventh Edition, March 2005), p. 98.

The Tornado

April 2, 2009

During my time with God in my sunny spot on the couch this morning, I was reading from 1 Samuel chapter eight to ten. Samuel was getting old so he appointed his sons as judges over Israel; however, his sons were perverting justice and the Israelites asked Samuel to appoint for them a king to rule over them. The Lord told Samuel that the Israelites were rejecting Him as their King and informed Samuel that he will give them a king who will rule over them. This king would be Saul. When Samuel informed Saul about the Lord’s plan Saul responded by saying he was from the smallest tribe of Israel and his family was the least of all families. He could not understand why Samuel would say such a thing.

Samuel took a vial of oil and poured it on Saul’s head, anointed him and kissed him. He told Saul who he would meet as he went home and what would happen on his journey. When Saul reached the hill of God, the Spirit of the Lord came upon him mightily and he showed himself a prophet. 1 Samuel 10:6 (AMP) actually says he was turned into another man and 1 Samuel 10:9 (AMP) says God gave him a new heart.

After I finished read this, I was sitting on the couch pondering how it must feel to have the Spirit of the Lord come upon you. The Holy Spirit brought to my mind a dream I had that I call “The Tornado.” (I just realized this now as I am typing this, but I had this dream on April 1, 2005 which is almost exactly four years to the day.)

The Lord was revealing to me a clearer understanding of that prophetic dream. In my dream I was taking shelter from a tornado inside a wooden hut. Inside the shelter are two friends of mine. Suddenly a man enters the shelter. I take one look at him and I instantly know that I love Him and He loves me and that He is sent to me from God. He yells that the tornado has touched down and is headed toward us. The tornado rips the door of the wooden hut off its hinges. It starts to pull the Man I love. He reaches out His hand and I place my right hand in His and He holds me tight. I turn around and ask my friends to grab my hand but they don’t move. They are too afraid; I can see it in their eyes. The forces of the winds are pulling me towards the open door. It is at this moment I realize that I have to decide if I am going to let go of this Man’s hand and save myself or not. I decide not to let go of His hand. The tornado is right over top of us now and it rips the roof off. The Man, whose hand I am holding, and I get sucked up into the middle of the tornado.

I have just explained to you the first part of my dream. Before today, I have always wondered if that tornado dream was, in fact, prophetic, but after today I am convinced it is. I just watched an interview this morning on It’s A New Day with author W. Paul Young who wrote the book “The Shack.” Paul was describing that the shack he refers to in his book is his heart. I have heard that this book is really good and it is on my summer reading list.

The Lord then reveals to me the meaning of the first part of my dream. The wooden hut that I hide inside for shelter is my heart. I never realized that before. Do you see the similarities from Paul’s book? I never would have thought of that if I had not just watched the program. It is amazing how God uses people to speak to us. The Man who enters my heart is Jesus. Before I realized the wooden hut represented my heart, I was not sure what the meaning was of the man in this dream but now it is crystal clear. I had this dream after I had asked Jesus into my heart. After Jesus enters my heart the door is ripped off its hinges and the roof it torn off. This symbolizes that Jesus had begun working in my heart. When He entered my heart, it was full of thick, tall walls all the way around it to shelter myself from the world and the people in it. Jesus was breaking down those walls, the very walls I had so carefully put up, brick by brick, after each wounding in my heart took place.

Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

The friends inside the wooden hut represent my old life, my old nonbelieving friends and the fleshly things of this world. Once I am holding Jesus’ hand I am given the choice of either letting His hand go or hanging on for dear life. Either I can hold on to the fleshly desires and things of this world, hold on to the bitterness, the resentment, the anger, the unforgiveness, etc., or I can choose to not let go of Him and let Him transform me into a new person.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT)
This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

It is interesting to me that in my dream I had to decide if I was going to let go of this Man’s hand and save myself or not. The funny thing is, I chose not to let go of His hand and that is exactly what I needed to do in order to be saved. I thought that if I let go I would save myself but I was only fooling myself by believing that lie. Satan often tries to make the things of this world seem so appealing that we don’t want to or don’t think we can give them up. For example, after accepting Jesus into your heart He might start dealing with you about all of those little white lies you tell throughout your day, or he may start dealing with you about how you need to stop drinking alcohol and hanging with certain friends that are bad influences.

I will continue now with the next part of my tornado dream. The roof has just been ripped off the wooden hut and the Man and I have been sucked up into the midst of the tornado. Inside I am spinning around and around. Dust and debris are flying all around me. I am screaming at the top of my lungs, feeling as if I am going to die. I am terrified for my life. Suddenly, I am thrown from the tornado and I land on my knees in the mud. I am badly injured. I look beside me and the Man whose hand I was holding is also on His knees in the mud right by my side.

I believe the tornado symbolizes the tests and trials in my life. The tornado symbolizes my divorce and the years that led up to it. The tornado symbolizes the panic disorder with agoraphobia that hit me hard and stopped me dead in my tracks in 1995. The tornado symbolizes all of the other hardships I have endured throughout my life. Remember how I described feeling like I was going to die and being terrified for my life in the midst of the tornado? That is exactly how I feel in the midst of a panic attack. I also believe the tornado symbolizes how God deals with us about old baggage from our past that he needs us to deal with and face in order to bring healing and restoration in our lives. The amazing part that brings tears to my eyes is finding out that Jesus is going through it right beside me. Jesus is right by my side. Isn’t He amazing? He will never let go of your hand. God does not promise us we will never have to endure hardships but He does promise He will never leave us.

Hebrews 13:5 (NLT)
“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

Although I have had panic disorder with levels of agoraphobia for 13 years now, I truly believe that if the Lord had not allowed this to happen to me, I never would have turned to Him. Before the agoraphobia and panic I was so full of myself, so selfish and conceited. It was during the lowest part of my marriage and the lowest point of the panic disorder that I hit rock bottom. I had nowhere left to turn and I had no idea how I was going to survive anything else in my life. I finally stopped looking inside myself to try to save myself and I looked up. When I looked up I found a loving, caring Father with His arms stretched out towards me, waiting patiently for me to come to Him; for me to choose Him.

I will continue now with the next part of my dream. I am on my knees in the mud with the Man beside me. Some people gather us up and take us into a large school for shelter and safety. I am injured and limping yet I go right to work helping the volunteers by serving juice and snacks to the scared children inside. I stop once in awhile and tell them a funny story to make them laugh. Someone announces that the storm is heading towards the school. They warn everyone to stay away from the windows and doors or risk being sucked out. I look out a window and I see more kids outside running towards the school. All of the doors are locked from the outside. I look around and not one person is willing to risk their life to go and open the door for the children outside. I run over to the door and let the remaining children inside. The door is being pulled so hard by the strong winds, I cannot pull it shut. I leave it open and stand back, waiting for the storm to pass over.

The part in my dream where I am injured and limping symbolizes how my heart and soul have been injured in my past but I don’t let that stop me from serving God. I am then serving juice and snacks to the children inside and trying to make them laugh. I want to see joy on their faces. This is my desire now to serve the Lord with all of my heart and to share what God has done for me in my life. The children are, of course, all people (God’s children). Even though I still suffer with panic disorder and agoraphobia, I do not let that stop me from my desire to share God’s work in my life and what He has done for me. My desire is to see others find the same joy that I have found in Jesus. I have begun to do so by creating this blog. It is not always easy to share the intimate details of my life but I feel the Lord has asked me to do this in order to help others.

There are more parts to this tornado dream but I cannot share them with you at this time as I feel this dream is prophetic and the Lord has not yet revealed to me the remainder of the meaning of this dream. I hope that my story has brought you some comfort and hope.

Share your Burdens

Galatians 6:2 (NLT)

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Do you ever feel like you are carrying burdens that are too heavy to bear? Perhaps you are feeling that way right now? Do you have someone in your life who will come alongside you during times of distress? Maybe you have co-worker friends, casual acquaintances or casual friends, but in times of distress no one seems to be there to support you. Do you feel like you are left all alone with your troubles? God did not create us to be solitary, He created us for fellowship. The dictionary defines fellowship as, "the companionship of individuals in a congenial (agreeable)atmosphere and on equal terms." God created us for fellowship. Fellowship with Him and fellowship with others.

God actually desires to have fellowship with us but He will never force us into a relationship with Him. Fellowship with God will not happen on its own, we have to want to have fellowship with Him. The New Living Translation of the Bible says it perfectly as follows:

Revelation 3:20 (NLT)

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."

To elaborate a bit on the above scriture, what happens when you share a meal with a close friend? You talk about your life, you share personal experiences, trials, good news and bad news. You rejoice together and you cry together. That is what I feel is the meaning behind this piece of scripture. That is the kind of relationship God wants to have with us through His son Jesus. It is easy to begin to have a relationship with God. You don't have to wait until you are good enough because none of us will ever be good enough, He wants to be your best friend just as you are. He accepts you just as you are. To begin your journey into fellowship with God, all you have to do is believe that Jesus is the Messiah, that He came to earth, died on the cross for your sins and then rose again on the third day and is now seated at God's right side. If you would like to begin your journey into a relationship with God, just say the following prayer out loud right now:

Dear Heveanly Father, I acknowledge that I am a sinner. I repent, right now, for all of my sins and I am asking you to forgive me. You said in your Word, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." (Romans 10:13). And so, I am calling on the name of your Son Jesus, to come into my heart and be my Savior right now. You also said in your Word, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." (Romans 10:9). I believe with my all of my heart that Jesus died for my sins and was raised from the dead so that I may have eternal life. I thank you Jesus, for taking my sins in order that I can be cleansed and transformed into a new creation. Thank you for welcoming me into your family. In Jesus' name, Amen!

If you just said that prayer out loud, congratulations, I am so happy for you because you have just begun a new chapter in your life, one filled with hope, healing and transformation. I would love to hear from you, please do not hesitate to share with me. Once you have received Jesus in your heart, it is always good to share the good news with someone and let them know about your decision. Confess it out loud.

Once you begin having fellowship with God by inviting Jesus into your heart and life, you begin a relationship with Him. The best way to cultivate your new relationship is by spending time with God by reading His Word, the Bible. If you don't have one you can buy one or even read it online. Many churches will give you a Bible as well. There are many translations, but I would recommend the New Living Translation for new believers, it is very easy to understand and written in easy to understand modern-day language. The scriptures I used for this devotion are all from the New Living Translation (NLT).

Your relationship with God is no different than any of your other relationshiops with regards to the level of closeness and intimacy the relationship has. For example, if you spend time every evening going out for coffee with your buddy Linda, your relationship with Linda will be closer than someone you hang out with once a week or month. You decide how close or how distant your relationship with God will be by how much time you spend with Him. Another example, if you only hang out with God at church, you won't know Him as well as if you hung out with Him everyday. He wants to hang out with you every day. To hang out with God, you can read His Word, talk to Him throughout your day just as you would a friend. Also, make sure you take time to listen for his voice talking back to you, if you spend enough time with God, He will talk to you. So you see, it isn't just a one-sided conversation. You can also hang out with God in prayer or by listening to christian music and/or singing praises to Him. There are many ways to hang out with God. There is no set formula. I enjoy having a conversation with God while I am walking my dogs. We have had some very good conversations that way.

I want to make sure I mention something else. When you accept Jesus into your heart, that does not guarantee a perfect life with no more problems, etc. God never said we would never have trouble, but He did say in Hebrews 13:5 (NLT):

For God has said,
“I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

When we go through times of distress, God is there with you, walking you through it. Now you never have to go through anything alone again. There is more good news. If you just accepted Jesus into your heart or perhaps if you have but have never found a local church, I strongly encourage you to find a local church to attend regularly. Not only is church a place to go to be fed the Word of God and to worship Him among a community of fellow believers, but also, chruch is a place where you can meet other believers. Remember, when you invite Jesus into your heart you are given a new life, you are born-again into His family of believers (you now have christian brothers and sisters all over the place). Have you ever wished you had a sister or a brother? Or perhaps you have always wished you had a father or mother-type in your life because you either lost your mom or dad or they were not a good parent. Perhaps one or both were abusive in some way. When you enter into the new family of God, His family of believers, you again get to choose how close or distant those relationships will be. When you meet someone at your local church that you really enjoy being around, then cultivate that relationship. Through God's family of believers, He often provides for us the types of people we need in our lives that we never had in our biological family environment. Just remember, don't be too hard on your new brothers and sisters, they are also only human and are not perfect. None of use will be perfect until we get to Heaven.

This is all such wonderful news. Not only do you now have the Almighty God residing within you now, but you have free access to any local church that you feel comfortable in, where you can cultivate friendships with other believers. Just a word of warning though, when you are searching for a church, you need to make sure the church acknowledges Jesus as the Messiah, that He died for our sins and was raised on the third day. Some of the church denominations that I can think of off the top of my head are as follows: Pentecostal, Evangelical, Baptist, Evangelical-Free, Non-denominational and Alliance.

Now when you are going through tough times you, first of all, have God on your side now so you are NEVER alone, you also have a whole new family of believers at your local church who are willing to share your burdens and stand beside you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NLT)
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

Exodus 17:12 (NLT)
Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset.

In the above scripture, Moses was holding a staff up in the air for a very long period of time in order to help the Israelites win the battle against the Amalekites. Moses was feeling overwhelmed with the staff he had to hold over his head for so long, but his son Aaron and his friend Hur stood alongside him and helped him through. When we are feeling overwhelmed by burdens or troubles, we can lean on God and He will carry us through. Also, our fellow christian brothers and sisters will stand alongside and share our burdens.

Heart issues

I was reading my bible one afternoon and I came across a piece of scripture that literally jumped off the page as I was reading it. Ok, not literally, but it might as well have. The verse caught my eye and I could not help but read it over and over and over again. It was like the font of this one verse was larger and darker than all the others on the page. At that point I realized God was trying to tell me something and I needed to pay close attention.

The verse was Psalm 116:11. I was reading from the NIV which reads as follows:

"And in my dismay I said, all men are liars."

The part that really jumped off the page was actually, "all men are liars." By drawing my attention to this particular piece of scripture, God was revealing to me a problem I had in my heart. God saw a heart issue that I needed to be made aware of so that I could deal with it and then enjoy a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.

Everyone has had their share of problems growing up and I am no exception. I have been targeted by men with inappropriate sexual desires. This began at around the tender young age of 11. My childhood innocence was robbed by men seeking to satisfy their own evil desires. No one ever came to my rescue, not even God. That is how I felt. I had received Jesus into my heart at a young age and I often asked God, why did you allow this to happen to me?

In an effort to make sense about what had happened and in order to protect myself in the future, I made a vow. I vowed never to allow a man to get close enough to hurt me again. I told myself, "No man can ever be trusted!" My father hadn't been there to protect me as I thought he should be. He didn't come to my rescue. How could he? My parents were separated. I felt that if my parents had not been separated, this man would not have had the opportunity to be alone with me as he did.

The feeling of abandonment by my father grew deeper after this happened. I had already felt abandoned by my father. First, I had felt rejected and abandoned because I had been born at a time in his life when he was not ready to be a father and a child feels that. Second, He then chose alcohol over our family which led to my parents splitting up.

Back to that piece of scripture. After reading over that piece of scripture several times, my Heavenly Father spoke to my heart. He said, "When you made that vow as a young girl, you included me." I was in shock. He was right. I never realized that before but He was absolutely right. I had blamed God for allowing that to happen to me. I had blamed my earthly father too for not being there to protect me. I repented and I cried.

When I made that vow with myself to never trust another man, it kept me from trusting my Heavenly Father. "All men cannot be trusted," that was my version of the truth. Satan planted that lie in my head and I continued to believe that lie for many, many years. Now I know that believing the lie Satan planted in my head as my version of the truth only brought destruction and sorrow. God exposed Satan's lie and revealed the truth. God's truth brings healing to my soul and life to my spirit. Since I was eagerly seeking a close relationship with God, I was feasting on His Word (the bible) every day. And in doing so, He revealed the truth and it set me free from the lies that I had been believing for so long. I used to feel so afraid, ashamed and tainted, but now I feel safe and loved, secure and free. Just like it says in His Word, John 8:31,32:

"If you abide in My Word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

You know, there is a direct correlation between a person's relationship with their earthly father and their relationship with their Heavenly Father. I have been seeking a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and He pointed out this heart issue so that I could deal with it and have that relationship that I was seeking. Yes, it was hard to revisit that time in my life, but He knew I was ready and I was ok because He was walking me through it.

I now know everything that happens in life is God-filtered. I also know we live in a fallen, broken world, full of sin and decay. Because of this and man's free will, man can make choices, either for good or for evil. I also know that God can use anything in life. He can take those awful, painful experiences from the past and turn them into something that can be used for good. That is exactly what He has done here. Because He has walked me through this process, I am now able to share my experiences with others. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to talk about it and in doing so, I am giving others the freedom and courage to do the same. I have heard Joyce Meyer say, "What we hide has power over us" and that is so true.

And The Healing Begins....

The Horse Is Led To Freedom

(This dream occurred during my first year as a single mom. If you have read my other posts in my blog then you already know how I feel about dreams. If you have not yet read my March post titled, "Dreams and the Scripture," then it would be best if you read that post before continuing to read this one.)

(In this dream, I am still married)

It is late fall and my husband is gone away on a hunting trip. He returns home with his hunting buddies. They are unloading the weeks' kill off their trucks and hanging the skinned, gutted corpses from the hind feet in our cold garage to dry. I notice they have also brought back with them a live horse. I ask them why and they tell me the farmer was going to put it down because it is too skittish so they asked if they could have it. They unload the horse and tie her up in the driveway beside our house. She is a beautiful horse, chocolate brown with the only white on her being a stripe down her nose. I get as close to the horse as she will allow which is not too close. I start to sing to her and she seems to be calmed and soothed by my presence and my singing.

My husband's hunting buddies untie the horse and take her to the back alley. My husband tells them, "No, you can't kill the horse yet, remember the farmer said she has to have a good morning run before we shoot her, otherwise her meat won't be any good to eat." His buddies say, "Oh, that's right, then we will leave the horse in your back yard for the night and let her loose in the morning for a good run before we shoot her."

I am completely distraught upon hearing this news. I start to cry and I scream, "You can't kill this horse!" My husband and his hunting buddies just look at me and laugh. I am running in and out of the house trying to figure out how to save this poor horse from her unfortunate circumstances. My son is in the house and he asks, "why are you crying mom?" I explain it to him.

At this point I wake up from my dream to find that not only was I crying in my dream, but I was also crying out loud for real in my sleep which is what woke me from my dream. It was one of those gut-wrenching type of cries where your entire stomach feels like it is in one huge tight knot. I sat up in bed and my stomach was so tense it felt like I had just finished doing about 100 sit-ups.

THE END

(Translation of this dream)

This was one of those dreams that I woke up from, knowing it meant something. The intense emotions I felt during that dream remained with me for weeks. I often pray and ask God if the dream had any significance and to please help me translate the dream so I could understand what it meant. The following is my interpretation of the above dream.

Dreams are often very symbolic and I know in this dream the horse repesents me. That is no big surprise since I love animals so much and horses have always been one of my favorites. The horse is skittish, afraid of people. That would describe me in a lot of ways. That is most likely why, I believe, I developed the panic disorder I now have called "Agoraphobia." I have been hurt by many people in my lifetime and I learned from a young age that people could not be trusted. While growing up, I always liked animals better than people. I knew I could trust animals, it was people I had a problem trusting. I was also an extremely shy young girl and I still am to a point.

When my husband and his hunting buddies are laughing at me, that would represent how I thought they felt about me. I felt like they, mainly meaning my husband, see me as disposable and useless. This would explain my feelings about my husband leaving me. The horse being tied up and in an unfortunate situation symbolizes how I felt in my relationship with my husband. In my marriage I had felt trapped, isolated and alone.

I knew this dream had meaning but I did not know this was a dream from God until later that same day when I was checking my email. A christian friend of mine from across the globe had sent me an ecard. I opened the card and I could not believe my eyes. On the card was a picture of a horse, a chocolate brown horse with a white stripe down the nose. It was exactly the same as the horse in my dream. There was one huge difference between the horse in my dream and the horse in the card. The horse in my dream was trapped. The horse in the card is at peace, running "free" through a lush green field, beside a sparkling stream with flowers budding on the trees. I had not told my friend about my dream.

When I saw the horse running free in the ecard, the emotions I had felt in my dream came flooding back with tremendous intensity. I could not help but cry. I reached out and touched the horse on my computer monitor and whispered, "You are free now."

I feel that God used my friend from across the globe to send a message to me regarding my dream. I feel He was telling me that "I am free now, free from the toxic marriage" and He is filling me with his perfect peace. Think about it, my friend from across the globe sends me an ecard the very same day I have this terribly sad dream. The horse in the card looks exactly like the one in my dream only it is running free and at total peace. This is not a coincidence! This is a message from the Lord and I receive it loud and clear. He is taking such good care of me.

I am attaching a link to the ecard I had received for you to enjoy. If you click on the "read" sign at the bottom of the card and read the words, then at the end you will notice a sparkling effect above the stream.

http://www.riversongs.com/Fla/ways.html

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters.

Psalm 23:2