A Mother's Guilt

Justin (my son) taught me something very important this Christmas (December 2019). After spending 23 years with me, in June 2019 Justin (my only child) graduated from U of S and moved away from home. He didn't just move to another location locally, he moved to another province. With an only child, empty nest happened the day he moved. He settled into his new place and not long after he found a girlfriend.

My boy was coming home for Christmas and I was counting down the days. I can't remember the last time I was that excited for Christmas. During his stay with me at Christmas, he taught me something very important. We were driving and talking about his new relationship with his girlfriend. He told me they had shared their stories about their childhoods and their parents. Immediately,  I felt guilt and condemnation. I was horrified at the thought of what he might have shared about me. I wasn't the mom I had wanted to be for him and felt tremendous guilt.

Justin spent his childhood years with a mom who was crippled with anxiety and panic attacks. If I experienced a panic attack anyplace outside my home, I never returned to that place. My world quickly became smaller and smaller, to the point where I became agoraphobic (I could no longer leave my home). All of those dreams I had about being a mom, taking Justin out into the world and introducing him to new things, they vanished and FEAR took over. I avoided even important things such as school, school events, weddings, funerals, appointments of any sort, grocery stores, EVERYTHING!

Any task that required leaving the home fell on my husband's shoulders. He was working full time and supporting us, but now he also had to do any task that required leaving home such as doctor's appointments, any classes or sports Justin took, grocery shopping, etc. Several years of that with no change on my part and my husband left. Who could blame him? I was no longer the woman he married. 

Justin came from a broken home and I blame myself. As I was driving, I said to Justin, "Oh no. Whatever you told her about me must have been awful." I did the best I could raising him within the walls of my home, but I had no idea how he felt about it." He never communicated those kinds of things. Justin  responded, "Why would you say that?" I told him I was not the mom I intended to be for him and I feel like I failed in so many ways.

What came out of Justin's mouth following this was so meaningful and special. I always knew I had a special son, but his response took it to a whole new level. He said he told her his mom struggled with severe panic attacks to the point where she could no longer leave home. He said she fought hard and overcame it. He said she couldn't even hold down a job and now she has a career and works outside of the home in a good job and that he was proud of me.

This was a wake-up call for me. Justin could have easily taken his childhood experiences down a negative path, but HE CHOSE not to. He found the good and held onto that. I realized I had been believing the lies satan planted in my mind about the kind of mom I was. Guilt and condemnation are from satan. I did the best I could and now I have an amazing, talented, wise, handsome, successful son. I obviously did some things right.

As parents, we are often so hard on ourselves. We do the best we can and sometimes we mess up, but we keep moving forward. For all of you parents or single parents out there like I was, if your child has clothes on his/her back, food to eat and a roof over his/her head, you are already doing an amazing job.

Thank you Justin, for teaching your mom a very important lesson. I love you so much!

Blessing in Disguise

This Thanksgiving long weekend has me thinking about the things for which I'm grateful, the most recent being a new job. In September 2016, I started working for a group of 5 doctors. It didn't take me long to realize this was not the type of work I wanted to do long term.

Originally, I had completed a course in medical transcription and at one point I ran my own home-based transcription business. When voice-to-text software became available, I lost a major account and was forced to look for work elsewhere. Working for these 5 doctors was my second job in a doctor's office. This job gave me opportunities to do some transcription work, but unfortunately there were many other demands for my time as well. I became increasingly unhappy in my work. I updated my resume and actively began searching for something else.

On Friday, August 24, 2018, two of my doctor bosses called me into their office to talk. They sat down on one side of the desk and I sat across from them. The tension in the air felt almost tangible. One of them was breathing fast and shallow. I knew whatever he was about to say was not going to be good. He proceeded to say that due to staffing issues they had to let me go. This news was completely unexpected. I took a deep breath. I sensed God's presence and in my spirit I heard Him say, "You're going to be OK. Stay calm! I want you to receive this news with grace. The way you respond is going to speak volumes." I could see how nervous they both were. I calmly accepted the news and listened to their explanations. I could tell they felt bad. When they were done, I calmly asked them to keep me in mind if they ever hear about a job opening in the transcription department at the hospital.

I delivered the news to my coworkers, packed my things and went out for lunch with one of my coworker friends. I was feeling rejected which never feels good and wondering "why me." When I arrived at home my cell phone rang. It was one of my bosses. He had gone straight to the hospital to work after speaking with me and made a few phone calls. He gave me the name and number of the person I needed to contact about a transcription job at the hospital. I set up an interview, did some tests and was offered the job.

Exactly one month after being let go, I began working for the transcription department at the hospital. The hospital is Catholic so there are pictures of Jesus and crosses everywhere. There is a chapel and every morning there is a prayer that goes out across the sound system. I love my new job and I'm very happy.

God is good! He had a plan and because I followed his guidance I was able to move forward into that plan.

The Grief Nobody Sees

Everyone is gone,

I'm all alone in the house.

Now I'm free to express the great sadness I feel.

I'm free to acknowledge the deep loss I'm experiencing.

I let the tears I've kept inside flow freely now.

I'm free to express the overwhelming sadness.

It's a sadness I cannot honestly or freely express with others,

because I fear they won't understand my sorrow. 

I go in search of that favorite toy,

I hold onto it tenderly,

I recall the fond memories it brings to my mind.

Then I search for the blanket that still holds his scent.

I hold it to my nose,

I close my eyes,

And I breath in deeply.

I can still smell him.

If I keep my eyes closed long enough,

Maybe I can pretend he's still here,

Sleeping in this blanket. 

I wipe my tears with his favorite stuffed toy,

It only seems right. 

I miss saying his name,

I call out his name into the empty room,

But it's only met with silence.

The house feels too empty,

Too quiet.
He saw me at my best,
And he saw me at my worst.
He never judged me once,
And he loved me unconditionally.

I'll never hear the pitter patter of his tiny paws.

I'll never feel his tender kisses on my cheek. 

I can't bring myself to move his water bowl or food dish. 

I haven't been able to put away his medicine.

It still sits on my cupboard,

Reminding me daily of my loss,

The medicine that allowed us,

More quality time together. 

How do I say goodbye to you?

In memory of my special little guy

Geist!

She's Pregnant!

I had been working at the same job for about 2 years. My newest coworker I had been working with for about 9 months. One day I walked past her desk and I felt the Lord say to me in my Spirit, "this young lady is pregnant and scared, I want you to encourage her." I should know better because this has happened before, but I questioned what I heard. I wondered if it was an overactive imagination. I thought about how silly I would look if this "feeling I had" was wrong. I must admit, I did cheat a little. When my pregnant coworker was not in the room, I wrote on a small sticky note, "She is pregnant!" and held it up for another coworker. They are friends outside of the office and I knew if anyone knows she is pregnant it would be her. Her "how did you know?" response put my mind at ease. 

A few days passed and I had gone shopping for a small gift and an encouraging card to give to my coworker. On this particular day she had to leave work early for a doctor's appointment. I told her to come talk to me before she leaves because I had a present I wanted to give to her in private. When she was about to leave I met her in the kitchen and gave her the gift. Since I knew no other coworkers knew about her pregnancy, I told her to open it later. She looked a bit confused but smiled and left. 

Later on I received a text from her asking how I knew and that I made her cry, in a good way. I told her God told me. To this day I'm still not sure if she believes me or if she believes her coworker friend told me, but I'm glad I listened to the voice of the Lord and had the opportunity to bless her. Being a new mom is scary and we all need encouragement sometimes. 

The Promotion

It was Tuesday morning on August 9, 2016. I was on my way to a 9 a.m. echocardiogram appointment. My family physician had recently discovered a heart murmur and set up this appointment to get more details. I like to pray when I'm driving to work. I decided to pray for a promotion. I had been working at my current job for almost 2 years and had not yet received a pay raise. With the cost of living going up each year and my wage staying the same, I saw the need for increase. I asked God to grant me favour at work so that I would get a raise. I also said if that's not going to happen then please open the door and give me favour in the way of a new, better-paying job. I thanked Him for hearing my prayers and told Him I trusted that He was at work, behind the scenes, in my life. 

I was wearing my work scrubs that morning since I was going straight to work after my appointment. While the sonographer performed my echo she asked me where I worked and what I did. She mentioned they were hiring and asked if I might be interested. I thought, sure why not, so I said sure. When she was finished she introduced me to the lady who was setting up the interviews for the new medical office assistant position. We set up an interview appointment for August 11 right after work. I had walked in for an ultrasound of my heart and walked out with a job interview. Holy Smokes! As I walked out of the clinic, I could not believe what had just happened. I recognized it as God granting me favour immediately. 

As soon as I finished work on August 11 I went straight to the job interview. They had people coming and going for interviews. I sat down and waited for my name to be called. I prayed and told God that I trusted Him and if this was His way of providing better finances for me then I wouldn't worry about what to say at the interview. I quickly thought about a number in my head on what type of a wage I was expecting just in case they asked that question. I took a deep breath and left it in God's hands. 

My name was called. I was my turn. I walked into a room that had 3 out of the 5 cardiologists sitting there waiting to interview me at a long conference room table. The office manager was there as well. One of the first questions they asked was how much was I expecting to be paid. I spit out the number I had come up with a few minutes earlier. The interview lasted longer than the previous lady's interview before me. It went very well. One of the doctors commented that I interview very well. We wrapped things up, shook hands and I left feeling very good about it. 

Saturday afternoon, August 13, 2016, I was shopping at Michael's craft store. I received a text message from one of the doctors who interviewed me. They were about to send me an email with a job offer in a few minutes and just wanted to confirm my information. I could not believe I was hearing from them so soon, and on the weekend yet. The offer was exactly what I had asked for, plus I was going to have my own indoor parkade parking spot. No more having to scrape snow and ice off my windshield or brave the elements. I knew this was the promotion I was praying for. I accepted the offer. My first day at the new clinic was September 6, 2016. 

Was I nervous? You bet I was! I was leaving the comfort and familiarity of my current job. I was leaving behind some very good coworker friends whom I knew I was going to miss. I was walking into completely foreign territory. I didn't know a soul, but since I knew God was leading me to this new place, He equipped me with the inner confidence and peace I needed. 

On August 21 as I was spending time reading God's Word, He confirmed this new job was from Him by leading me to a scripture that reads:

Deuteronomy 1:21

Look, the Lord your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you, do not fear or be discouraged.

God was basically saying to me personally, "Look, I have setup a new office job for you, go up to the 9th floor and possess it, as the Lord God of your father (who has recently joined me) has spoken to you, do not fear or be discouraged. Wow God!!! I started my new job one day shy of being exactly one month since my dad's funeral. 

My Bible Art Entry

How things were changing so quickly in my life. My only concern now was how to avoid leaving a giant oil puddle on my parking spot floor. My van leaked oil and I was embarrassed at the thought of one of them noticing my puddle or my old van. The driver's door handle no longer worked so I either had to have the window down so I could reach in, unlock and open my door or I had to climb in through the passenger side. Also, my driver's power window no longer went up so it was pretty much permanently halfway down. Needless to say, it made my drives very interesting and challenging during days of precipitation and cold. 

As if this new job promotion was not enough, my mom came across a vehicle my uncle was trying to sell. With some of the money she inherited from my dad's passing, she decided to buy me this new car. I went from driving an old 1995 Pontiac Trans Sport van to a 2007 Buick Allure. God is Amazing!

God Fund Me

The week my dad passed away in August 2016, I decided I needed to take that week off from work to grieve, spend time with family and prepare for his funeral. Aside from feeling the heavy weight of sadness, my only other concern at that time was whether I could afford to take a week off as my job didn't pay bereavement leave. 

A good friend and coworker of mine was always checking in on me and asking me how I was doing, offering her support, etc. I decided to confide in her about my concern. Just being able to unload that concern and share it with someone who understood helped. That wasn't the only feelings I shared with her at that time, I shared many as I processed what was happening. 

I can't remember exactly but I think it was the very next day, I receive a message from my coworker friend who told me she and her husband started a "Go Fund Me" account in the hopes of raising a couple hundred dollars to help out. They sent me the link and hoped I would be OK with it. I was so touched by their kind hearts, I was more than OK with it. Within 24 hours the "Go Fund Me" page raised over $1000. I could not believe my eyes. The kindness and generosity of strangers and coworkers brought me to "happy" tears. Here is a link to the page:

https://www.gofundme.com/2hkozvg

The outpouring of love and support I received not only from my coworker friend and her husband, but all of those who financially supported me lightened my burden. Being able to share my concerns and feelings and receive the love and support helped me through an extremely difficult time. I like to think of it as the "God Fund Me" account. I feel like God used what my friend and her husband started by giving me favor with the generous people who supported the cause. I will never forget what my coworker and her husband did for me. They are the sweetest, cutest couple ever and I will forever keep them in my prayers.

Ailing Father Prophesies His Funeral

In February 2016 an MRI revealed that my dad had a grade IV Glioblastoma brain tumor. It is the worst kind. His prognosis was not good and he was given approximately 6 months to live. My happy-go-lucky, extremely independent, healthy, hard-working, go-getting, 66-year-old dad who was still working full-time was changing before my very eyes. Every week when I went to visit him he was worse. My dad changed from this positive, upbeat, whistling everywhere he goes, joking around person to a tired, sad, depressed version of my dad. In a very short time he became paralyzed on his right side and wheelchair bound. Then he could no longer verbalize his thoughts. He could only say yes or no and even then sometimes when he said yes he meant no and vise versa. The dad I knew and loved was gone and what was left of him was only a shell of whom I had once known. Although he was still there in the flesh, I missed him terribly and my heart was breaking. 

My dad and I when he was perfectly healthy

I was always daddy's little girl. He would fly up north for work for a week and fly back home for a week. On his week back home I knew he was looking forward to seeing me (his little girl), and if I didn't show up soon I would hear from him or my mom with regards to the fact that he was looking forward to seeing me. When I would come over each week as his health, his independence and his physical body slowly declined, my mom told me he would "light up" when he saw me. I could no longer tell he was happy to see me, and he could no longer wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight, so I treasure knowing that my mom could see him "light up." My mom worked extremely hard taking good care of him, loving him and keeping him comfortable at home until July 28, 2016, when he was taken by ambulance and admitted to Palliative care. 

 I took every opportunity to connect with my ailing father,

I'm holding the hand that was not paralyzed.

If only my love could have healed my dad

Up to this point I had a choice to make, I could blame God and ask, "why, God, why him?" OR I could realize that we live in a fallen, broken, decaying, temporary world. This earth is not heaven, far from it. Nothing on this earth will last forever. On this earth sickness, disease, sadness, decay, sin, evil and the devil run rampant. If I needed someone to blame and hate, it was going to be Satan. Instead, I chose to call on God for help and strength. I chose to trust God and lean on Him to help me through this extremely difficult situation. I felt His loving presence often throughout this ordeal and I still do.

In the early morning hours of July 31, 2016, I felt a strong urge to go see my dad at the hospital. I arrived at 12:30 a.m. His condition shocked me. His breathing was labored and rattling. He was unresponsive and unconscious. I was told his breathing was called the "death rattle." I hope I never have to hear that again as long as I live. It was brutal!

I placed my right hand on his head. I held my Bible in my left hand and read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 and verses 16-18 as well as chapter 5:1-8. 

These pictures were taken from my Bible that I read to my dad that night

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

2 Corinthians 5:1 and 2

2 Corinthians 5:3-8

My reading ended on page 1326 of my Bible. Earlier, in May 2016 I had done my very first Bible art journal entry. It's a butterfly and it stood for the verse found in 2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away; 

behold, all things have become new. 

My dad loved butterflies and what they represent as a born-again Christian. If you read my previous blog entry titled, "The Butterfly Gift" you will understand better. Here is a link to my previous blog entry: 

http://living-waters-spring.blogspot.ca/2016_07_01_archive.html

My reading to dad ending on this page was not a coincidence, it was a GOD-incidence! 

I sat down beside my dad's bed and placed my hands on his left knee. My mom was also seated at his left side holding his hand. Two of my aunts (his sisters) were on his right side. He was surrounded by women who loved him deeply. I told him we would be OK and he could let go now. I told him he could go see his mom now. I placed my head down on his bed. My head rocked with every labored breath he took. At 2:00 a.m. my dad's spirit left his ailing body and he went to be with Jesus. I was right by his side when it happened. 

This was put up at the hospital shortly after my dad went to be with Jesus

I take great comfort in the fact that I know my daddy is in heaven and I will, one day, see him again. It was also comforting to know that God understood my heartache as He too watched His son Jesus suffer greatly and die on the cross to pay the penalty of the sins of all who choose to believe in Him. 

My dad's funeral was held on Friday, August 5, 2016. Some time earlier in July my mom had told me that dad had spoken almost a full sentence to her. Speaking a full sentence was something my dad could no longer do. On July 16 he said, "Three more weeks and then..." He never finished that sentence, but he was able to repeat it one more time. I believe God showed him how much time of suffering he had left on this earth before he would be freed from his ailing, paralyzed body and his funeral would take place. Perhaps he never finished the sentence because he didn't want to upset my mom, but in his own way he wanted to prepare her for what was about to take place. His funeral took place 20 days after he spoke those words, exactly 3 weeks later. 

 I can't wait to see you again daddy... until then I miss you so much!

My dad is even happier now with Jesus than he was in this picture with my mom

Every family member wore a butterfly pendant at my dad's funeral.

 This is the butterfly pendant I wore at my dad's funeral

This was the hardest blog post I have ever written. It's written from my broken heart and the wounds are still so fresh, but I felt the Lord leading me to share this. If it brings even one person hope, encourages one person, leads one person to Jesus, or provides some healing to a wounded soul, then revisiting these fresh wounds is so worth it. I believe God is using my pain to help others and in so doing my pain is not wasted.

The Butterfly Gift

The Butterfly Gift

June 2016

As far back as I can remember my dad has always loved butterflies. When I was following my own plans for my life and not the Lord’s, my dad occasionally gave me a ‘butterfly suncatcher’ gift.

I believe one of the main reasons my dad loves butterflies so much is the Christian metamorphosis process which he shared with me in the past. Here is a link to learn more about this process  http://loyal2him.com/foundations/butterfly.htm

I believe my dad was giving me butterfly suncatchers to remind me about this process.

Once I discovered (THE LONG AND HARD WAY) that my own plans always ended up a complete disaster I decided to invite Jesus into my life, and then those suncatcher gifts became pretty special to me.

These are the suncatcher butterfly gifts from my dad. Since my dad has recently become very sick with an inoperable brain tumour and only months to live, these have become even more precious to me. I have had these suncatchers for decades. I have even lost 3 out of the 4 pieces of glass in the large butterfly suncatcher, but I continue to treasure it. 

This Father's Day I bought my dad a large glass butterfly ornament to hang outside so he could admire it from his wheelchair when he sits outside on the deck

Dad’s butterfly collection

 I have a young friend I like to call my Sunday daughter.

We became friends at church and she used to sit with me, hence the name.

We connected on some level and have been friends ever since despite the fact that she has since moved away. 

Pictures of us hanging out at church functions

I was dressed as a Sesame Street character called a Yip-Yip

She didn’t know it was me inside

 She discovers it’s me underneath. Look at that adorable toothless smile. J

Sweet hugs!

A video of Justin and I as the Yip-Yips

This was the day of my baptism

We were spinning

I had to publicly share my testimony. Public speaking was pretty intimidating for me. I remember telling her I was scared and asking her if she wanted to stand beside me as I stood up and shared my story. She was pretty surprised to hear that even someone like me (so old) can still get scared sometimes. She was happy to stay by my side.

 Getting baptized was a huge step of obedience for me as I was in the middle of the process of overcoming Agoraphobia and severe panic attacks. God placed this sweet little girl into my life to help me through it. Isn’t she adorable?

 We had a play date and hung out one night. We had so much fun together. 

This was 2 years ago.

 This June 2016 we had the opportunity to have another play date

She gave me a very special gift. It’s a glass butterfly jewelry holder

Inside were two bracelets. 

On the pendant are the words, “my other half.”

 I didn’t understand the significance of this gift until days later when God began revealing it to me. Once I fully understood, it brought me tears of joy. God reminded me about those suncatcher gifts my dad gave me. He reminded me why my dad loves butterflies. He showed me how far I have come along in my faith and battle with fear. He revealed to me that although my dad can no longer bring me butterfly gifts, He, my heavenly Father, can. He had Sadie, my Sunday daughter, act as his messenger who brought me a butterfly gift. She had no idea I loved butterflies or the meaning behind them.

I had to share this with her mom and let her know how God used her daughter to bless me with her butterfly gift. When her mom told her how God used her, her mouth dropped open, a huge smile crossed her face and she said, “I feel happy. I’m grateful that God used me. I didn’t even know that about butterflies. I tried trading the butterfly one with a heart one but Sierra said no, but God knew that’s why.” 

This one simple butterfly gift has since blessed me, Sadie, her family and now all who read this. 

God is a good God! 

Message from God on Suicide

I was driving down the road on my way to visit my mom when I felt that familiar Holy Spirit nudge. I had just driven past a young lady who was walking down the street. She wore a dark hat and had ear buds in her ears. I was sensing that she was contemplating suicide. I kept driving, thinking it's just my overactive imagination. After about 2-3 blocks the nudge became much stronger. I pulled over and said, "OK God, I'm sensing you want me to go talk to that girl. I feel like a fool, but I'm willing to be a fool for you." I turned around and as I was driving back I said, "OK God, if this is you she will still be walking down the same street." Sure enough she was. I felt like God wanted me to tell her, "Don't do it!" and "He loves her." 

I rolled down my window and pulled up beside her. She pulled her ear bud out of her ear. 
(I don't remember the exact conversation word for word, but I will do my best.)

"This might sound strange, but I was wondering if you believe in God?" I asked.
"Actually, I'm an atheist." she replied.
"I feel like God wants me to tell you something. Sometimes this happens to me and I have to do what He tells me to do." I explained.
"What is it?" she asked.
"He wants me to tell you --Don't do it!!" 
(She dropped the leaf she had been carrying in her hand and held her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled up with tears. There was a long pause as she collected herself.)
"That is profound actually." she uttered. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Yes I can." I replied (which is why she will remain anonymous).
"I have been considering suicide." she explained. 
"Don't do it!! God loves you!! Don't do it!!" I repeated.

I asked her if she wanted to talk. She said no she had to go. As I drove away I felt like I needed to give her some sort of contact information. I pulled over and waited. I wrote the name of my church and the time and day I attend on a piece of paper. I also wrote, "Don't do it!" Once she caught up to my van I pulled up to her and gave her the piece of paper explaining what it was for. I also told her I had the perfect book that I wanted to give to her. I told her it was a book for teens on teen suicide. I told her I was on my way to see my mom, but I had to return home because I had forgotten my cell phone so I could grab the book when I pick up my cell phone and come right back. She said she would walk slowly. I raced home and grabbed my phone and the book. When I returned with my booklet in hand she was sitting at the corner of the street. I walked over to her, wrote my contact information on the inside cover and handed her the book. We said our goodbyes and I returned to my van. 

As I was driving to my mom's place, I kept praising and thanking God for using me to help her. I thanked the Holy Spirit for nudging me. I thanked the Holy Spirit for making me sensitive to His nudges. I thanked Him for His persistence when I was trying to write it off as nothing and go about my own business instead of His. My adrenaline was pumping. I was feeling energized and excited. I prayed for that young lady for the remainder of my drive. 

What if I had ignored those nudges? What if I decided it was too awkward and kept on driving? What if I decided I was too busy or thought I was just imaging the whole thing? Because of my willingness to be obedient, regardless of how I felt, that young lady's day has been dramatically impacted. She is not going to forget this. 

Being used by God to reach out to others who are hurting is the most amazing, exhilarating feeling. You don't have to have any special talent or ability to be used by God. All you need is a willing Spirit and a listening heart. There is no pressure, you're just the messenger. God is constantly looking for people who are willing to make themselves available. 

*The name of the book I gave her is called, "Suicide, helping you and your friends live - special teen edition of "Why They Die" by Jerry Johnston with Don Simmonds. If you would like to purchase copies of this booklet please click this link: Suicide - Helping you and your friends to live - Teen Edition

Guardian Angels

I believe in guardian angels. I also believe that God uses people and/or animals to help us. And why not? God sent the ravens to feed Elijah while he was hiding east of the Jordan. Twice a day they brought him food. You can read more about that in 1 Kings 17. God also used a dove to help Noah find dry ground after the flood. That can be found in Genesis 8.

Have you ever experienced an encounter you can't quite explain? Have you ever experienced a "close call?" If so I would love to hear about it. God may have saved your life on more than one occasion and you don't even know it.

I can remember one occasion that I couldn't explain. I was driving my old beater of a car home after visiting a friend who lived about 30 km outside of the city. It was late at night and I was on a stretch of road that was not frequently traveled.

Suddenly, my headlights went out, it was my relays. The darkness enveloped me as I pulled over on the side of the road. There were no street lights and the moon wasn't out to provide even a little bit of light. I sat there wondering what to do. This was before cell phones were common so I had no way to contact anyone. I thought about walking, but it was a long distance both ways.

Moments later I noticed I could clearly see the road ahead. There was light shining on it. I leaned forward against my steering wheel to find the source of the light. I gazed into the night sky expecting to see the moon, but instead I saw a bright light hovering about 30 feet above my car. It was like someone was shining a large flashlight down from the sky, lighting up a section of the road ahead.

I started to drive, thinking whatever it was, I would drive through the lit up section of the road and end up in the darkness once again. As I slowly drove the light above me seemed to move with me, always lighting up the section of road I was on. This light remained with me until I reached the city limits where the street lights took over, and as quickly and mysteriously as the light had appeared, it vanished. It's something I will never forget.

Adam Walker is a British open-water swimmer. In his sixth of seven long-distance swims for the Oceans Seven, he swam 16 miles of New Zealand's Cook Strait. It's the strait between the North and South Islands of New Zealand. Oceans Seven is seven long-distance swims and has only been completed by four people. About half way through his 16 mile swim Adam saw a great white shark below him. To say this concerned him would be an understatement.

The next thing he knew, a pod of about 10 dolphins showed up and surrounded him, forming a wall of protection around him. They continued to swim with him for an hour. At this point in time the shark finally left and Adam was no longer in danger. The pod of dolphins bid farewell and went on their way. I think it's interesting to know that Adam had also been raising funds for a nonprofit group focused on whale and dolphin conservation.

I think this is an excellent example of God using animals to protect a human. This pod of dolphins acted as Adam's guardian angels when they formed a wall of protection around him. Part of this swim was captured on video and posted on YouTube. As I write this blog post there has been over 4 million views. Here is the link:
Dolphins Protect Swimmer

Will You Outwit--Outlast--Outplay?

If you're a Survivor fan you will understand my title. Today I want to talk about Stuffles, the honey badger. I believe we can often learn valuable life lessons by observing God's creatures. Even Solomon and Jesus told us to observe them.

Matthew 6:26 (NLT)

Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?

Proverbs 6:6-11 (NLT)

Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones.

    Learn from their ways and become wise!

7 

Though they have no prince

    or governor or ruler to make them work,

8 

they labor hard all summer,

    gathering food for the winter.

9 

But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep?

    When will you wake up?

10 

A little extra sleep, a little more slumber,

    a little folding of the hands to rest—

11 

then poverty will pounce on you like a bandit;

    scarcity will attack you like an armed robber.

Before you read on, please stop and watch Stuffles in action!

http://blog.petflow.com/truly-astonishing-i-had-no-idea-they-were-this-smart-must-see/

It was very entertaining and quite comical to watch Stuffles continuously outwit his zookeeper. He reminds me of my clever little ferrets. I'm a ferret lover and, like Stuffles, they love to problem solve. Mind you, if one of my ferrets started turning my bedroom doorknob in the middle of the night my son would have to peel my fingernails out of the ceiling. 

Now watch how my ferret Geist overcomes his "obstacle!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LjaEKQmfLs&list=UUdWrhwluT4pdQqNPUKvQKfw&feature=share&index=9

Aside from being very amused by Stuffles' clever antics, I was inspired by his tenacity. Whatever "obstacle" stood in the way of his freedom, he never gave up, and I mean NEVER!

The devil has all sorts of "obstacles" in his bag-of-tricks to try and keep us from enjoying the freedom Jesus died to give us. Often he succeeds with these "obstacles" which distract us and steal our joy. Thankfully, Jesus has given us everything we need to outwit -- outlast -- and -- outplay the devil. 

Luke 10:19 (Amplified)

Behold! I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you.

The serpents and scorpions mentioned in the above scripture are Satan and his demons. Isn't that great news? Knowledge is good but, like Stuffles, we also need tenacity because even though we may outwit the devil once or twice he will always try again. It might even feel like you are in your own version of Alcatraz. This is where that Never Give Up attitude needs to kick in. 

Watching Stuffles really ministered to me at a time when I'm facing my own "obstacles." Recently one of my ferret fur babies passed away in my arms. I take the loss of a fur family member pretty hard. Shortly after that I was laid off at my work and I have property taxes and income taxes coming due as well. Being a single mom with no savings to fall back on, this has been a time of leaning on and trusting God to provide more than ever. I wanted to share this with you because I want to be able to look back at this at a later time and see how God provided, because He always does. 

Right now sadness, unemployment and worry are my "obstacles." 

What are your "obstacles?" 

Will you OUTWIT -- OUTLAST -- and -- OUTPLAY the enemy?

Nikki's Story

I want to introduce you to Nikki and tell you his true story. Nikki is a green and yellow parakeet who has led quite an adventurous life. He was chilling with the sparrows, going wherever they went, doing whatever they did, eating whatever they ate. He was an independent parakeet. He was taking care of himself. He didn't know that his life was in danger from predators every single day. He didn't know that winter was soon to come and if he remained with the sparrows he would soon be dead. 

One day he was enticed by some millet inside the safety of a cage. On that day he had a choice, continue eating what the sparrows were eating or try the millet. He chose the millet. He entered the cage, tried the millet and discovered that it was good, so good, in fact, that he no longer desired the food the sparrows ate.

He got to know the person who provided this millet and discovered that because he chose to eat the millet she had saved his life. Over time and much more millet he got to know her better and now she has become his best friend.

Answer Key

• The sparrows symbolize unbelievers and going along with the crowd.
• The sparrow food is whatever the world calls fun (drinking, drugs, parties, the bar scene, pornography, promiscuity, etc.) .
• Winter symbolizes the end times and the return of Jesus.
• The millet symbolizes God' word (the Bible)
• The safe cage symbolizes the church.
• The best friend symbolizes Jesus. 

STOP!!

Before reading on, please do me a favor; after reading through the answer key, go back up to the beginning and re-read Nikki's story. Then return here to continue reading. 

This is the true story of a parakeet that hung around my back yard bird feeder with the sparrows for most of this past summer. In the fall I was finally able to capture him and not a moment too soon. He would have surely died in the cold outdoors. My son wanted to name him Nikki which is short for Nicholas Cage since he's in a cage, I know, funny guy. 

Please don't misunderstand the cage symbolizing the church, I'm not saying the church is a cage, I'm referring to the cage as a place where you can feel safe. If you find a church where it's members are actively operating in the gifts of the Holy Spirit you will feel welcome, loved and safe. 

I hope you enjoyed my analogy and God bless you richly.