The Promotion

It was Tuesday morning on August 9, 2016. I was on my way to a 9 a.m. echocardiogram appointment. My family physician had recently discovered a heart murmur and set up this appointment to get more details. I like to pray when I'm driving to work. I decided to pray for a promotion. I had been working at my current job for almost 2 years and had not yet received a pay raise. With the cost of living going up each year and my wage staying the same, I saw the need for increase. I asked God to grant me favour at work so that I would get a raise. I also said if that's not going to happen then please open the door and give me favour in the way of a new, better-paying job. I thanked Him for hearing my prayers and told Him I trusted that He was at work, behind the scenes, in my life. 

I was wearing my work scrubs that morning since I was going straight to work after my appointment. While the sonographer performed my echo she asked me where I worked and what I did. She mentioned they were hiring and asked if I might be interested. I thought, sure why not, so I said sure. When she was finished she introduced me to the lady who was setting up the interviews for the new medical office assistant position. We set up an interview appointment for August 11 right after work. I had walked in for an ultrasound of my heart and walked out with a job interview. Holy Smokes! As I walked out of the clinic, I could not believe what had just happened. I recognized it as God granting me favour immediately. 

As soon as I finished work on August 11 I went straight to the job interview. They had people coming and going for interviews. I sat down and waited for my name to be called. I prayed and told God that I trusted Him and if this was His way of providing better finances for me then I wouldn't worry about what to say at the interview. I quickly thought about a number in my head on what type of a wage I was expecting just in case they asked that question. I took a deep breath and left it in God's hands. 

My name was called. I was my turn. I walked into a room that had 3 out of the 5 cardiologists sitting there waiting to interview me at a long conference room table. The office manager was there as well. One of the first questions they asked was how much was I expecting to be paid. I spit out the number I had come up with a few minutes earlier. The interview lasted longer than the previous lady's interview before me. It went very well. One of the doctors commented that I interview very well. We wrapped things up, shook hands and I left feeling very good about it. 

Saturday afternoon, August 13, 2016, I was shopping at Michael's craft store. I received a text message from one of the doctors who interviewed me. They were about to send me an email with a job offer in a few minutes and just wanted to confirm my information. I could not believe I was hearing from them so soon, and on the weekend yet. The offer was exactly what I had asked for, plus I was going to have my own indoor parkade parking spot. No more having to scrape snow and ice off my windshield or brave the elements. I knew this was the promotion I was praying for. I accepted the offer. My first day at the new clinic was September 6, 2016. 

Was I nervous? You bet I was! I was leaving the comfort and familiarity of my current job. I was leaving behind some very good coworker friends whom I knew I was going to miss. I was walking into completely foreign territory. I didn't know a soul, but since I knew God was leading me to this new place, He equipped me with the inner confidence and peace I needed. 

On August 21 as I was spending time reading God's Word, He confirmed this new job was from Him by leading me to a scripture that reads:

Deuteronomy 1:21

Look, the Lord your God has set the land before you; go up and possess it, as the Lord God of your fathers has spoken to you, do not fear or be discouraged.

God was basically saying to me personally, "Look, I have setup a new office job for you, go up to the 9th floor and possess it, as the Lord God of your father (who has recently joined me) has spoken to you, do not fear or be discouraged. Wow God!!! I started my new job one day shy of being exactly one month since my dad's funeral. 

My Bible Art Entry

How things were changing so quickly in my life. My only concern now was how to avoid leaving a giant oil puddle on my parking spot floor. My van leaked oil and I was embarrassed at the thought of one of them noticing my puddle or my old van. The driver's door handle no longer worked so I either had to have the window down so I could reach in, unlock and open my door or I had to climb in through the passenger side. Also, my driver's power window no longer went up so it was pretty much permanently halfway down. Needless to say, it made my drives very interesting and challenging during days of precipitation and cold. 

As if this new job promotion was not enough, my mom came across a vehicle my uncle was trying to sell. With some of the money she inherited from my dad's passing, she decided to buy me this new car. I went from driving an old 1995 Pontiac Trans Sport van to a 2007 Buick Allure. God is Amazing!

God Fund Me

The week my dad passed away in August 2016, I decided I needed to take that week off from work to grieve, spend time with family and prepare for his funeral. Aside from feeling the heavy weight of sadness, my only other concern at that time was whether I could afford to take a week off as my job didn't pay bereavement leave. 

A good friend and coworker of mine was always checking in on me and asking me how I was doing, offering her support, etc. I decided to confide in her about my concern. Just being able to unload that concern and share it with someone who understood helped. That wasn't the only feelings I shared with her at that time, I shared many as I processed what was happening. 

I can't remember exactly but I think it was the very next day, I receive a message from my coworker friend who told me she and her husband started a "Go Fund Me" account in the hopes of raising a couple hundred dollars to help out. They sent me the link and hoped I would be OK with it. I was so touched by their kind hearts, I was more than OK with it. Within 24 hours the "Go Fund Me" page raised over $1000. I could not believe my eyes. The kindness and generosity of strangers and coworkers brought me to "happy" tears. Here is a link to the page:

https://www.gofundme.com/2hkozvg

The outpouring of love and support I received not only from my coworker friend and her husband, but all of those who financially supported me lightened my burden. Being able to share my concerns and feelings and receive the love and support helped me through an extremely difficult time. I like to think of it as the "God Fund Me" account. I feel like God used what my friend and her husband started by giving me favor with the generous people who supported the cause. I will never forget what my coworker and her husband did for me. They are the sweetest, cutest couple ever and I will forever keep them in my prayers.

Ailing Father Prophesies His Funeral

In February 2016 an MRI revealed that my dad had a grade IV Glioblastoma brain tumor. It is the worst kind. His prognosis was not good and he was given approximately 6 months to live. My happy-go-lucky, extremely independent, healthy, hard-working, go-getting, 66-year-old dad who was still working full-time was changing before my very eyes. Every week when I went to visit him he was worse. My dad changed from this positive, upbeat, whistling everywhere he goes, joking around person to a tired, sad, depressed version of my dad. In a very short time he became paralyzed on his right side and wheelchair bound. Then he could no longer verbalize his thoughts. He could only say yes or no and even then sometimes when he said yes he meant no and vise versa. The dad I knew and loved was gone and what was left of him was only a shell of whom I had once known. Although he was still there in the flesh, I missed him terribly and my heart was breaking. 

My dad and I when he was perfectly healthy

I was always daddy's little girl. He would fly up north for work for a week and fly back home for a week. On his week back home I knew he was looking forward to seeing me (his little girl), and if I didn't show up soon I would hear from him or my mom with regards to the fact that he was looking forward to seeing me. When I would come over each week as his health, his independence and his physical body slowly declined, my mom told me he would "light up" when he saw me. I could no longer tell he was happy to see me, and he could no longer wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight, so I treasure knowing that my mom could see him "light up." My mom worked extremely hard taking good care of him, loving him and keeping him comfortable at home until July 28, 2016, when he was taken by ambulance and admitted to Palliative care. 

 I took every opportunity to connect with my ailing father,

I'm holding the hand that was not paralyzed.

If only my love could have healed my dad

Up to this point I had a choice to make, I could blame God and ask, "why, God, why him?" OR I could realize that we live in a fallen, broken, decaying, temporary world. This earth is not heaven, far from it. Nothing on this earth will last forever. On this earth sickness, disease, sadness, decay, sin, evil and the devil run rampant. If I needed someone to blame and hate, it was going to be Satan. Instead, I chose to call on God for help and strength. I chose to trust God and lean on Him to help me through this extremely difficult situation. I felt His loving presence often throughout this ordeal and I still do.

In the early morning hours of July 31, 2016, I felt a strong urge to go see my dad at the hospital. I arrived at 12:30 a.m. His condition shocked me. His breathing was labored and rattling. He was unresponsive and unconscious. I was told his breathing was called the "death rattle." I hope I never have to hear that again as long as I live. It was brutal!

I placed my right hand on his head. I held my Bible in my left hand and read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 and verses 16-18 as well as chapter 5:1-8. 

These pictures were taken from my Bible that I read to my dad that night

2 Corinthians 4:7-11 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

2 Corinthians 5:1 and 2

2 Corinthians 5:3-8

My reading ended on page 1326 of my Bible. Earlier, in May 2016 I had done my very first Bible art journal entry. It's a butterfly and it stood for the verse found in 2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; 

old things have passed away; 

behold, all things have become new. 

My dad loved butterflies and what they represent as a born-again Christian. If you read my previous blog entry titled, "The Butterfly Gift" you will understand better. Here is a link to my previous blog entry: 

http://living-waters-spring.blogspot.ca/2016_07_01_archive.html

My reading to dad ending on this page was not a coincidence, it was a GOD-incidence! 

I sat down beside my dad's bed and placed my hands on his left knee. My mom was also seated at his left side holding his hand. Two of my aunts (his sisters) were on his right side. He was surrounded by women who loved him deeply. I told him we would be OK and he could let go now. I told him he could go see his mom now. I placed my head down on his bed. My head rocked with every labored breath he took. At 2:00 a.m. my dad's spirit left his ailing body and he went to be with Jesus. I was right by his side when it happened. 

This was put up at the hospital shortly after my dad went to be with Jesus

I take great comfort in the fact that I know my daddy is in heaven and I will, one day, see him again. It was also comforting to know that God understood my heartache as He too watched His son Jesus suffer greatly and die on the cross to pay the penalty of the sins of all who choose to believe in Him. 

My dad's funeral was held on Friday, August 5, 2016. Some time earlier in July my mom had told me that dad had spoken almost a full sentence to her. Speaking a full sentence was something my dad could no longer do. On July 16 he said, "Three more weeks and then..." He never finished that sentence, but he was able to repeat it one more time. I believe God showed him how much time of suffering he had left on this earth before he would be freed from his ailing, paralyzed body and his funeral would take place. Perhaps he never finished the sentence because he didn't want to upset my mom, but in his own way he wanted to prepare her for what was about to take place. His funeral took place 20 days after he spoke those words, exactly 3 weeks later. 

 I can't wait to see you again daddy... until then I miss you so much!

My dad is even happier now with Jesus than he was in this picture with my mom

Every family member wore a butterfly pendant at my dad's funeral.

 This is the butterfly pendant I wore at my dad's funeral

This was the hardest blog post I have ever written. It's written from my broken heart and the wounds are still so fresh, but I felt the Lord leading me to share this. If it brings even one person hope, encourages one person, leads one person to Jesus, or provides some healing to a wounded soul, then revisiting these fresh wounds is so worth it. I believe God is using my pain to help others and in so doing my pain is not wasted.

The Butterfly Gift

The Butterfly Gift

June 2016

As far back as I can remember my dad has always loved butterflies. When I was following my own plans for my life and not the Lord’s, my dad occasionally gave me a ‘butterfly suncatcher’ gift.

I believe one of the main reasons my dad loves butterflies so much is the Christian metamorphosis process which he shared with me in the past. Here is a link to learn more about this process  http://loyal2him.com/foundations/butterfly.htm

I believe my dad was giving me butterfly suncatchers to remind me about this process.

Once I discovered (THE LONG AND HARD WAY) that my own plans always ended up a complete disaster I decided to invite Jesus into my life, and then those suncatcher gifts became pretty special to me.

These are the suncatcher butterfly gifts from my dad. Since my dad has recently become very sick with an inoperable brain tumour and only months to live, these have become even more precious to me. I have had these suncatchers for decades. I have even lost 3 out of the 4 pieces of glass in the large butterfly suncatcher, but I continue to treasure it. 

This Father's Day I bought my dad a large glass butterfly ornament to hang outside so he could admire it from his wheelchair when he sits outside on the deck

Dad’s butterfly collection

 I have a young friend I like to call my Sunday daughter.

We became friends at church and she used to sit with me, hence the name.

We connected on some level and have been friends ever since despite the fact that she has since moved away. 

Pictures of us hanging out at church functions

I was dressed as a Sesame Street character called a Yip-Yip

She didn’t know it was me inside

 She discovers it’s me underneath. Look at that adorable toothless smile. J

Sweet hugs!

A video of Justin and I as the Yip-Yips

This was the day of my baptism

We were spinning

I had to publicly share my testimony. Public speaking was pretty intimidating for me. I remember telling her I was scared and asking her if she wanted to stand beside me as I stood up and shared my story. She was pretty surprised to hear that even someone like me (so old) can still get scared sometimes. She was happy to stay by my side.

 Getting baptized was a huge step of obedience for me as I was in the middle of the process of overcoming Agoraphobia and severe panic attacks. God placed this sweet little girl into my life to help me through it. Isn’t she adorable?

 We had a play date and hung out one night. We had so much fun together. 

This was 2 years ago.

 This June 2016 we had the opportunity to have another play date

She gave me a very special gift. It’s a glass butterfly jewelry holder

Inside were two bracelets. 

On the pendant are the words, “my other half.”

 I didn’t understand the significance of this gift until days later when God began revealing it to me. Once I fully understood, it brought me tears of joy. God reminded me about those suncatcher gifts my dad gave me. He reminded me why my dad loves butterflies. He showed me how far I have come along in my faith and battle with fear. He revealed to me that although my dad can no longer bring me butterfly gifts, He, my heavenly Father, can. He had Sadie, my Sunday daughter, act as his messenger who brought me a butterfly gift. She had no idea I loved butterflies or the meaning behind them.

I had to share this with her mom and let her know how God used her daughter to bless me with her butterfly gift. When her mom told her how God used her, her mouth dropped open, a huge smile crossed her face and she said, “I feel happy. I’m grateful that God used me. I didn’t even know that about butterflies. I tried trading the butterfly one with a heart one but Sierra said no, but God knew that’s why.” 

This one simple butterfly gift has since blessed me, Sadie, her family and now all who read this. 

God is a good God! 

Message from God on Suicide

I was driving down the road on my way to visit my mom when I felt that familiar Holy Spirit nudge. I had just driven past a young lady who was walking down the street. She wore a dark hat and had ear buds in her ears. I was sensing that she was contemplating suicide. I kept driving, thinking it's just my overactive imagination. After about 2-3 blocks the nudge became much stronger. I pulled over and said, "OK God, I'm sensing you want me to go talk to that girl. I feel like a fool, but I'm willing to be a fool for you." I turned around and as I was driving back I said, "OK God, if this is you she will still be walking down the same street." Sure enough she was. I felt like God wanted me to tell her, "Don't do it!" and "He loves her." 

I rolled down my window and pulled up beside her. She pulled her ear bud out of her ear. 
(I don't remember the exact conversation word for word, but I will do my best.)

"This might sound strange, but I was wondering if you believe in God?" I asked.
"Actually, I'm an atheist." she replied.
"I feel like God wants me to tell you something. Sometimes this happens to me and I have to do what He tells me to do." I explained.
"What is it?" she asked.
"He wants me to tell you --Don't do it!!" 
(She dropped the leaf she had been carrying in her hand and held her hand over her mouth. Her eyes filled up with tears. There was a long pause as she collected herself.)
"That is profound actually." she uttered. "Can you keep a secret?"
"Yes I can." I replied (which is why she will remain anonymous).
"I have been considering suicide." she explained. 
"Don't do it!! God loves you!! Don't do it!!" I repeated.

I asked her if she wanted to talk. She said no she had to go. As I drove away I felt like I needed to give her some sort of contact information. I pulled over and waited. I wrote the name of my church and the time and day I attend on a piece of paper. I also wrote, "Don't do it!" Once she caught up to my van I pulled up to her and gave her the piece of paper explaining what it was for. I also told her I had the perfect book that I wanted to give to her. I told her it was a book for teens on teen suicide. I told her I was on my way to see my mom, but I had to return home because I had forgotten my cell phone so I could grab the book when I pick up my cell phone and come right back. She said she would walk slowly. I raced home and grabbed my phone and the book. When I returned with my booklet in hand she was sitting at the corner of the street. I walked over to her, wrote my contact information on the inside cover and handed her the book. We said our goodbyes and I returned to my van. 

As I was driving to my mom's place, I kept praising and thanking God for using me to help her. I thanked the Holy Spirit for nudging me. I thanked the Holy Spirit for making me sensitive to His nudges. I thanked Him for His persistence when I was trying to write it off as nothing and go about my own business instead of His. My adrenaline was pumping. I was feeling energized and excited. I prayed for that young lady for the remainder of my drive. 

What if I had ignored those nudges? What if I decided it was too awkward and kept on driving? What if I decided I was too busy or thought I was just imaging the whole thing? Because of my willingness to be obedient, regardless of how I felt, that young lady's day has been dramatically impacted. She is not going to forget this. 

Being used by God to reach out to others who are hurting is the most amazing, exhilarating feeling. You don't have to have any special talent or ability to be used by God. All you need is a willing Spirit and a listening heart. There is no pressure, you're just the messenger. God is constantly looking for people who are willing to make themselves available. 

*The name of the book I gave her is called, "Suicide, helping you and your friends live - special teen edition of "Why They Die" by Jerry Johnston with Don Simmonds. If you would like to purchase copies of this booklet please click this link: Suicide - Helping you and your friends to live - Teen Edition