I was reading my bible one afternoon and I came across a piece of scripture that literally jumped off the page as I was reading it. Ok, not literally, but it might as well have. The verse caught my eye and I could not help but read it over and over and over again. It was like the font of this one verse was larger and darker than all the others on the page. At that point I realized God was trying to tell me something and I needed to pay close attention.
The verse was Psalm 116:11. I was reading from the NIV which reads as follows:
"And in my dismay I said, all men are liars."
The part that really jumped off the page was actually, "all men are liars." By drawing my attention to this particular piece of scripture, God was revealing to me a problem I had in my heart. God saw a heart issue that I needed to be made aware of so that I could deal with it and then enjoy a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.
Everyone has had their share of problems growing up and I am no exception. I have been targeted by men with inappropriate sexual desires. This began at around the tender young age of 11. My childhood innocence was robbed by men seeking to satisfy their own evil desires. No one ever came to my rescue, not even God. That is how I felt. I had received Jesus into my heart at a young age and I often asked God, why did you allow this to happen to me?
In an effort to make sense about what had happened and in order to protect myself in the future, I made a vow. I vowed never to allow a man to get close enough to hurt me again. I told myself, "No man can ever be trusted!" My father hadn't been there to protect me as I thought he should be. He didn't come to my rescue. How could he? My parents were separated. I felt that if my parents had not been separated, this man would not have had the opportunity to be alone with me as he did.
The feeling of abandonment by my father grew deeper after this happened. I had already felt abandoned by my father. First, I had felt rejected and abandoned because I had been born at a time in his life when he was not ready to be a father and a child feels that. Second, He then chose alcohol over our family which led to my parents splitting up.
Back to that piece of scripture. After reading over that piece of scripture several times, my Heavenly Father spoke to my heart. He said, "When you made that vow as a young girl, you included me." I was in shock. He was right. I never realized that before but He was absolutely right. I had blamed God for allowing that to happen to me. I had blamed my earthly father too for not being there to protect me. I repented and I cried.
When I made that vow with myself to never trust another man, it kept me from trusting my Heavenly Father. "All men cannot be trusted," that was my version of the truth. Satan planted that lie in my head and I continued to believe that lie for many, many years. Now I know that believing the lie Satan planted in my head as my version of the truth only brought destruction and sorrow. God exposed Satan's lie and revealed the truth. God's truth brings healing to my soul and life to my spirit. Since I was eagerly seeking a close relationship with God, I was feasting on His Word (the bible) every day. And in doing so, He revealed the truth and it set me free from the lies that I had been believing for so long. I used to feel so afraid, ashamed and tainted, but now I feel safe and loved, secure and free. Just like it says in His Word, John 8:31,32:
"If you abide in My Word [hold fast to My teachings and live in accordance with them], you are truly My disciples. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
You know, there is a direct correlation between a person's relationship with their earthly father and their relationship with their Heavenly Father. I have been seeking a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and He pointed out this heart issue so that I could deal with it and have that relationship that I was seeking. Yes, it was hard to revisit that time in my life, but He knew I was ready and I was ok because He was walking me through it.
I now know everything that happens in life is God-filtered. I also know we live in a fallen, broken world, full of sin and decay. Because of this and man's free will, man can make choices, either for good or for evil. I also know that God can use anything in life. He can take those awful, painful experiences from the past and turn them into something that can be used for good. That is exactly what He has done here. Because He has walked me through this process, I am now able to share my experiences with others. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to talk about it and in doing so, I am giving others the freedom and courage to do the same. I have heard Joyce Meyer say, "What we hide has power over us" and that is so true.
