In February 2016 an MRI revealed that my dad had a grade IV Glioblastoma brain tumor. It is the worst kind. His prognosis was not good and he was given approximately 6 months to live. My happy-go-lucky, extremely independent, healthy, hard-working, go-getting, 66-year-old dad who was still working full-time was changing before my very eyes. Every week when I went to visit him he was worse. My dad changed from this positive, upbeat, whistling everywhere he goes, joking around person to a tired, sad, depressed version of my dad. In a very short time he became paralyzed on his right side and wheelchair bound. Then he could no longer verbalize his thoughts. He could only say yes or no and even then sometimes when he said yes he meant no and vise versa. The dad I knew and loved was gone and what was left of him was only a shell of whom I had once known. Although he was still there in the flesh, I missed him terribly and my heart was breaking.
My dad and I when he was perfectly healthy
I was always daddy's little girl. He would fly up north for work for a week and fly back home for a week. On his week back home I knew he was looking forward to seeing me (his little girl), and if I didn't show up soon I would hear from him or my mom with regards to the fact that he was looking forward to seeing me. When I would come over each week as his health, his independence and his physical body slowly declined, my mom told me he would "light up" when he saw me. I could no longer tell he was happy to see me, and he could no longer wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight, so I treasure knowing that my mom could see him "light up." My mom worked extremely hard taking good care of him, loving him and keeping him comfortable at home until July 28, 2016, when he was taken by ambulance and admitted to Palliative care.
I took every opportunity to connect with my ailing father,
I'm holding the hand that was not paralyzed.
If only my love could have healed my dad
Up to this point I had a choice to make, I could blame God and ask, "why, God, why him?" OR I could realize that we live in a fallen, broken, decaying, temporary world. This earth is not heaven, far from it. Nothing on this earth will last forever. On this earth sickness, disease, sadness, decay, sin, evil and the devil run rampant. If I needed someone to blame and hate, it was going to be Satan. Instead, I chose to call on God for help and strength. I chose to trust God and lean on Him to help me through this extremely difficult situation. I felt His loving presence often throughout this ordeal and I still do.
In the early morning hours of July 31, 2016, I felt a strong urge to go see my dad at the hospital. I arrived at 12:30 a.m. His condition shocked me. His breathing was labored and rattling. He was unresponsive and unconscious. I was told his breathing was called the "death rattle." I hope I never have to hear that again as long as I live. It was brutal!
I placed my right hand on his head. I held my Bible in my left hand and read 2 Corinthians 4:7-11 and verses 16-18 as well as chapter 5:1-8.
These pictures were taken from my Bible that I read to my dad that night
2 Corinthians 4:7-11
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
2 Corinthians 5:1 and 2
2 Corinthians 5:3-8
My reading ended on page 1326 of my Bible. Earlier, in May 2016 I had done my very first Bible art journal entry. It's a butterfly and it stood for the verse found in 2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;
old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new.
My dad loved butterflies and what they represent as a born-again Christian. If you read my previous blog entry titled, "The Butterfly Gift" you will understand better. Here is a link to my previous blog entry:
My reading to dad ending on this page was not a coincidence, it was a GOD-incidence!
I sat down beside my dad's bed and placed my hands on his left knee. My mom was also seated at his left side holding his hand. Two of my aunts (his sisters) were on his right side. He was surrounded by women who loved him deeply. I told him we would be OK and he could let go now. I told him he could go see his mom now. I placed my head down on his bed. My head rocked with every labored breath he took. At 2:00 a.m. my dad's spirit left his ailing body and he went to be with Jesus. I was right by his side when it happened.
This was put up at the hospital shortly after my dad went to be with Jesus
I take great comfort in the fact that I know my daddy is in heaven and I will, one day, see him again. It was also comforting to know that God understood my heartache as He too watched His son Jesus suffer greatly and die on the cross to pay the penalty of the sins of all who choose to believe in Him.
My dad's funeral was held on Friday, August 5, 2016. Some time earlier in July my mom had told me that dad had spoken almost a full sentence to her. Speaking a full sentence was something my dad could no longer do. On July 16 he said, "Three more weeks and then..." He never finished that sentence, but he was able to repeat it one more time. I believe God showed him how much time of suffering he had left on this earth before he would be freed from his ailing, paralyzed body and his funeral would take place. Perhaps he never finished the sentence because he didn't want to upset my mom, but in his own way he wanted to prepare her for what was about to take place. His funeral took place 20 days after he spoke those words, exactly 3 weeks later.
I can't wait to see you again daddy... until then I miss you so much!
My dad is even happier now with Jesus than he was in this picture with my mom
Every family member wore a butterfly pendant at my dad's funeral.
This is the butterfly pendant I wore at my dad's funeral
