I made a deal with God

As I reflect back on my relationship with Jesus, I can remember a time when I used to notice that certain people seemed to talk about Him and their whole face would light up. They talked about Him like they had just recently hung out with Him at Tim Horton's over coffee and enjoyed a good conversation. I could not understand how that was possible and a part of me envied them for finding that sort of connection.

As a young girl my grandmother used to take me to church with her and as a result I had received Jesus into my heart at a very young age. However, from my teenage years and onward I had forgotten all about Him. I decided I was going to chart my own path in life rather than take the well-thought-out path filled with God's blessings that He had made for me before I was ever born.

Of course this path I had chosen to take for my life was filled with a lot of heartache, much of the heartache was the result of my own bad choices. In an effort to fill that hole in my heart that was reserved only for Jesus, I filled it by seeking the attention of men. As long as I had a man or men vying for my attention I felt like I mattered on this planet. That feeling only lasted a short time and then I would move on to the next man who was vying for my attention. My sense of self-worth and value was like a roller coaster ride.

I know now that this need I had to be noticed by men was the result of not getting the attention or validation I needed from my own father growing up. When I hit my teen years I noticed I could easily capture a guys attention and while it lasted it felt really nice. This was the next best thing and I was willing to settle. I had no idea that my Heavenly Father was perfectly willing and capable and desired to give me the attention and validation that I so desired. He desired a close relationship with me but I brushed Him off for a quick fix that would always lead to heartache.

When I got married I was still walking my own path. I was living in a common-law relationship with my boyfriend for about 1-1/2 years before we got married. At the time I was working for a very difficult boss when I quit right before my wedding. After the honeymoon I began a new job and started to have panic attacks only I had no idea what they were at the time. I thought I was going crazy. They would just randomly hit me out of the blue and leave me terrified wherever I was. I can remember my very first panic attack which was while I was attending a training seminar for my job. I was sure everyone could tell I was freaking out on the inside even though I was carefully hiding any symptoms of distress on the outside.

After I had my son the panic attacks worsened. They came on more often and became much more intense. Eventually I stopped going to the places where I had the panic attacks until I was no longer leaving my home. At this point I became a housebound agoraphobic which meant I could not leave my home for anything. During this time my marriage suffered greatly. My husband had to do everything that required leaving home such as taking our son to the doctor, getting groceries, shopping for clothes or diapers and paying bills, etc.

One evening when my son was almost 4 years old he began to suffer severe abdominal pain. He was in a lot of distress and we could not figure out what was wrong with him. His pain seemed to be worsening over time. My husband had to take him to the emergency room of the hospital and I stayed home due to the agoraphobia. This is going to be hard for you who are mothers to understand. I wanted more than anything to go with my baby boy to the hospital but the fear of the inevitable panic attacks that I knew would follow was greater. It was the worst feeling in the world to stay home and have no idea what was wrong with my baby. I felt so inadequate as his mother, not being able to be by his side in his time of greatest need.

I was all alone and pacing the floors while being worried sick over my son. Finally I sat down at my kitchen table and I made a deal with God. God doesn't normally like to make deals with people but if you don't know any better emotionally or spiritually He will meet you wherever you are. I told God that if He would make sure my son had nothing major wrong with him then I promised I would start reading His Word every day.

Hours later my husband called to let me know that our son was fine and only had constipation. I was so relieved and so thankful. I remembered the deal I made with God and I felt like He had made good on his end of the deal and now I was determined to make good on my end of the deal. When my son returned home from the hospital I hugged him tightly and carefully removed the hospital bracelet from his tiny wrist. At the time I saved that hospital bracelet to remind myself of the deal I had made with God and how He had made good on his end. Now I am glad I saved it because that marks the event and day where I began my close relationship with Jesus. I am attaching a scanned picture of my son's hospital bracelet.

I began by reading "Our Daily Bread" devotionals that are free for anyone who requests them. They are short devotional stories with some scripture to read from the bible. If you are interested in feeding your spirit the same way I started, I am attaching a link to the website where you can order "Our Daily Bread" to be mailed or emailed to you directly. https://www.rbc.org/devotionals/our-daily-bread/order-devotional.aspx

At first I was only merely respecting my end of the bargain. The daily reading time was not sinking in and the words I read didn't mean anything to me. As time went on though I began to notice that I was enjoying my daily reading time I spent with God. I was beginning to feel a peace I could not describe. As time went on even further I began to look forward to my quiet reading time I spent with God. In the beginning I didn't even know that reading His Word meant I was spending time with Him but as time wore on I began to feel His awesome presence. Now I enjoy my quite time with God immensely and if I miss a day or two I feel it and I miss Him.

For those of you who felt like I described in the first paragraph, let me explain to you that starting a relationship with your Heavenly Father is not much different than starting a relationship with someone you are attracted to. The more time you spend with a person the better you know them. You think about them when you go to bed. You think about them when you first wake up. You think about them all throughout your day. You find yourself falling in love with them. The more time you spend with that person the more you begin to talk like them and think like them and act like them.Your desire is to please that person. Your desire is to be with that person. That, minus the romantic side, is what a personal relationship with Jesus is like. Just as a normal relationship suffers if you don't nurture it or spend time with that person, the same goes for your relationship with Jesus. If you take the time to nurture a relationship with Jesus, you will reap a harvest of blessings and rewards you never dreamed of or could have imagined for yourself.

Being A Blessing

I have noticed something. Over the past summer, I have been periodically asking God to place someone in my path that He can bless through me. This has been very effective. God has been answering those prayers rather quickly and revealing to me people in need and how I can help. There is a sense of joy and accomplishment when I allow God to use me as His vessel. Just knowing God can use me and show me how to bless others in such a variety of ways gives me such a feeling of peace.

When I ask God to place someone in my path, no more than two or three days pass before I find someone that has a need that I can meet and then I joyfully meet it. What an awesome, rewarding experience to be used by God. I highly recommend it. I think I am hooked for life. A word of caution though, if you are going to ask God to place someone in your path that He can bless through you, make sure you mean it with all of your heart because He will take you up on your offer. Sometimes it can happen when you least expect it or when it seems least convenient. God will require something from you. It may be your time, your money, your patience, your forgiveness, or some skill or talent you may have. Whatever is required of you, make sure you are ready and willing to meet that need when God reveals it to you.

Let me tell you a story about my most recent experience with blessing others. I was walking my dogs and talking to God as I like to do. I was asking God to place someone in my path again that He could bless through me. It was either that same evening or the next when my neighbor was knocking at my door. She said, “I hear you know who owns a ferret in the neighborhood.” I told her I do. She went on to tell me that she had a ferret visitor. She and her husband were watching television downstairs. Her Husky was in the basement with them cooling off as it was a very hot evening. She saw an animal peering in and scratching at her basement window. She asked her husband if it was a weasel. She mentioned how lucky this ferret was because if her dog had been outside, which he usually is, he would have killed it as he kills any small animal that enters the yard. She showed me the ferret which she had captured and placed in her large dog kennel. I took the ferret off her hands and brought him home with me.

I knew who owned this ferret. I had returned this ferret to the owners twice previously and I told myself if I found him loose a third time I would not be returning him as they are clearly not taking good care of him. I also knew from previous reports from various neighbors that had spotted him scratching at their basement windows wanting to come inside, that he had been neglected. I have a real heart for animals and I cannot stand to see an animal being abused, mistreated, neglected or abandoned.

When I brought him home with me, I had every intention of keeping him only for the weekend until the SPCA was open. I knew his chances of being adopted would be good since he is an exotic pet and very friendly. Once I brought him into my home, I found out he was not litter trained. I guess if he was roaming around outside all of the time he wouldn’t be. Since this ferret did not come with a cage, I had no way of containing the area in which he roamed in my home. I would be cleaning up one puddle only to turn around and find another. I had to keep my eyes on him at all times. This was not easy and this was time consuming.

Now I had to figure out what ferrets eat. I joined a ferret forum online, found out what he eats and bought him some food. He would not eat it. It seems that he has never been fed ferret food and does not recognize it as food. I did, however, find him scrounging around inside my cupboards looking for scraps of food to eat. Surprise, surprise, he can open and close cupboard doors with ease....lol. Sadly, I have a feeling this is how he survived in his previous home when he wasn’t hunting for his own food outside.

He was malnourished and needed some nutritious food as quickly as possible. Luckily, the ferret forum coached me through this process and told me I had to make him “Duke Soup.” No, it is not made with ducks, it is actually a chicken soup with ferret kibble mixed in and liquified in a blender. Then I had to roll him up tightly in a towel, fill a syringe with duck soup, pry his mouth open and force it down his throat. Lucky for me, after he tasted the duck soup, he decided it was good and he started to lick it off the syringe as I squeezed it. He now eats it off of a plate. Now I have to gradually wean him off the duck soup until he will eat his regular dry kibble. The SPCA would not have had the time to do any of this. During this feeding process we bonded, I fell in love with the little guy and could not give him up.

You may be asking yourself what all of this has to do with being a blessing to someone. I do believe that when I asked God to send me someone He could bless through me, he sent me “Duke.” My son has since named him Duke. He gets this name because he makes a ferret sound called “dooking.” Yes, I believe that God wanted me to care for this ferret. He did, after all, create him and he knew that I would have the patience, time and ability to meet his needs and nurse him back to health. I must say, this is the first time God has ever placed a furry critter in my path when I have asked him to show me someone I could bless.

A couple of weeks later, Duke was trying to play with one of my cats. My cat slapped him and poked him in the eye. After a visit with the vet, I found out his eye had been punctured and he was now blind in this eye. Poor Duke. He survives the elements outside: rain, wind, cats, dogs, trains, traffic and who knows what else only to come into my home and lose his eye. The vet informed me that he needed his eye removed as soon as possible and in the meantime I had to administer two different types of eye drops, one to prevent infection and one for pain relief. She also informed me that the surgery for this, which would be done at the University Small Animal Clinic, would cost anywhere between $600-1000. Money I don’t have. I felt so bad for poor Duke. I began to question myself and wonder if I did the right thing by keeping him, maybe God had wanted me to return him. I started to feel guilty and sad.

At this point I ran to God with my problem. I gave it all over to him. I told him I was feeling guilty, sad, bad and overwhelmed with the impending surgery and the costs involved. I told Him I was questioning whether I did the right thing by keeping him. I told Him that the devil was telling me it was all my fault and that I was supposed to return him, etc. As quickly as I ran to God with my problem, He answered. He said, “Remember in my Word how I said, “It is better to lose an eye than for your whole body to be thrown into hell?” Well, in this case, it is better that Duke loses his eye than his entire life. He would have suffered a worse fate than this had you not taken him under your wing.” Immediately I was filled with peace and I knew I had heard from God.

I picked up the phone and called the University to do some price research of my own. I left a message for one of the doctors to call me. When he returned my call, I asked him how much it would cost to have an eye removed for a ferret. He told me between $150-200. I was in absolute shock. This price was much lower than the price the vet had given me earlier. I asked him if he was sure. He put me on hold, went to double check and returned, assuring me that was the correct price. I could not believe it. I was in awe. I knew God had taken care of the situation. As quickly as I gave it to Him, He took care of it. How awesome is that? Duke has since gone to the University to have his eye examined for surgery. The vet there didn’t see any need at that time to remove his eye, but wanted to see him in a week or so. She said 99% of the time their eye has to be removed, but Duke could be in that rare 1%. Through this process, God was also teaching me how to cast my cares onto Him.

The very next day I was reading my “Daily Bread” devotions for the day. The title was perfectly suited for what I was going through. Nevermind the title, the whole devotion was relevant to my situation. God often uses the “Daily Bread” devotions to send me confirmation about something that is going on in my life. It was titled, “Finders Keepers,” isn’t that funny? It talked about how sometimes when you see injustice or abuse going on around you and you look for someone to do something about it and then you realize God is looking at you to do something about it. Just as Moses was God’s answer for the slavery of His people in Egypt, I was the answer for the neglect and abuse that was going on with Duke. Of course, my situation is on a much smaller scale but you get the idea. It went on to talk about how God places us in unique circumstances where our abilities match the problem that He wants to fix. I received the message loud and clear, this “Daily Bread” was my confirmation that I did the right thing by Duke.

Here are a couple of pictures of Duke.

I am the vine; you are the branches

I have noticed something interesting about a certain vine-type of plant in my house when I water it, and it brought to mind John 15:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing." When I water this plant, in about 24 hours' time, I notice a small droplet of water gathering at the tip of a select few leaves. Not all of the leaves have this though. I am attaching a picture of this plant with the water droplet so you can have a better idea what I am talking about.

It reminds me of Christians and our faith journey. There are those who accept Jesus into their heart, believe, and receive His salvation, but apart from that, they fail to move forward in their faith walk and claim all that God has planned for them. They remain as baby Christians, simply waiting for Jesus' return, rather than producing a fruit-filled life. They may go to church on Sunday and be fed for the day, but during the week their spirits become dry and parched because they have not made the choice to feed on God's Living Word throughout the week. They rely on others to feed them spiritually. This is like the leaves on my plant that do not gather water droplets at the tips for all to see. Jesus died so we could have have life and have it in abundance. John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Then there are those who receive Jesus with enthusiasm, but the roots of God's Word does not grow deep inside their hearts and they slowly revert back to their old lifestyle, living only to please their flesh. John 15:6 says, "Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers." Matthew 7:19 says, "Every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire." This is like when I see dried up, dead, brown leaves on my plant, I pluck them off and throw them away.

Then there are those Christians who accept Jesus with all of their heart and their lives are forever changed. Their relationship with Jesus and their heavenly Father is forever growing and being cultivated because they have put God first in their life and are diligently seeking Him in all areas of their life. As a result of their diligence and passion for Jesus, their lives begin to produce fruit and they begin to see God's blessings in their life. Those Christians become fruitful.

I don't know about you, but I have chosen the latter lifestyle. Just like when I water my plant, there are leaves that begin to gather water and the water droplet hangs ever so gently from the tip of the leaf for all to see: If we make the decision to put God first in every area of our life, we too will begin to gather His Living Water in our heart until we are filled to the top and overflowing. When this happens, others can see the Living Water flowing out from us. Others can see it by the fruit it produces in our life. When you remain in Jesus and He remains in you, His Living Water can flow out from Him and pour into you. John 4:14 says, "But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” This is like the leaves on my plant that gather water droplets at the tips.

If you are asking how, exactly, do you "remain in Him?" You do this by making the choice to set aside quite time with God every day, where you read His Word and talk to Him. When you talk to Him, make sure it is a dialogue, not a monologue. John 15:8 says, "When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples." I looked up "fruit" in my online bible program. It explains it as, "A word used in scripture denoting producing in general." Producing what exactly? To be more specific it also says, "It is those gracious dispositions and habits which the Spirit produces in those in whom He dwells and works." I don't know about you but I love the idea of the Spirit producing good fruit in me. Galatians 5:22, 23 says, "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Just as not all of the leaves on my plant gather water at their tips, not all Christians diligently seek a relationship with Jesus. Matthew 7:7,8 says, "Keep on asking and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking and you will find. Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."