Prophetic Baptism Vision Fulfilled

It was dusk on a warm, sunny, summer evening in 2010 and I was outside on my deck enjoying my time spiritually curled up in God’s lap. I had just finished spending some time reading from His love letter (the Bible) and I was pouring out to Him whatever was on my heart. Since approximately 2006 I had been feeling the desire and need to be baptised as I had never been. As I now fully comprehended what water baptism truly meant and out of my deep love and admiration for Jesus, I wanted to take this next step of faith. The only problem was that I was still suffering from varying degrees of panic disorder and the fear of all of the “what ifs” was weighing heavily on me, especially the “what if I had a panic attack” thought. My church had a baptism ceremony around 2006 and I really wanted to be a part of it, but fear and panic had overtaken my desire to be baptised.

Since then I had made a lot of progress in overcoming many fears and I had been venturing out to a lot more places and taking part in more activities that I had previously avoided. It was clear to me that my faith and confidence were growing. I cried out to God saying “please make a way for me to be baptised. What is the best way? Where should it happen?” I really wanted to be baptised outside in a body of water like how Jesus was baptised in the Jordan River. Since I had made it out for a holiday to Pike Lake the previous summer, I knew I could go that far so I thought perhaps Pike Like would be a good place to be baptised. It is part of the Saskatchewan River too so it would be even closer to how Jesus was baptised.

As I continued to cry out to God about my strong desire to be baptised wondering how and when and where it would happen, I began having a vision. Youth group was about to begin for the first year with myself and another young lady leading it in the fall. I saw myself hanging out at youth group. Then I saw myself talking to one of the girls from youth group. We were excited because we were both going to be baptised. I saw myself get baptised and she was baptised afterwards. That is where the vision ended. At that point I felt a knowing in my spirit that I needed to wait until the 2010-2011 youth group season ended. I knew that one of the young ladies from youth group was going to be baptised at the same time as me. I did not know which girl; I just knew it was a girl. After that of course I questioned whether that was just a daydream or if it was, in fact, a prophetic vision from God. I decided not to analyze it, but just wait and see what happens.

That winter after attending a membership class at church one morning, we had talked about baptism and I was all pumped up and excited about the idea of being baptised someday soon. I went upstairs and walked straight over to one of the girls from youth and said something like “have you ever been baptised” or “would you like to be baptised” or something like that, I cannot recall my exact words. Her name is Sierra. I had no idea why I said that because I had no intention of saying that when I walked up to her, it just came out. I had no idea if she had already been baptised or if she was even feeling the desire to be baptised.

A few more months passed and our pastor started talking about having a baptism service that summer. I had completely forgotten about the fact that I had mentioned getting baptised to Sierra from youth when I received a text message from her saying she was going to be baptised with me. As soon as I read that I remembered that vision I had the summer before youth group started. It was all coming together with the Holy Spirit’s help.

On September 18, 2011, I was finally baptised. It was not in the Saskatchewan River or in Pike Lake for that matter, but it was outdoors in a swimming pool and I made sure I brought a small vile of river water that I poured into the pool so I could say that I was baptised in river water just like Jesus. There were five of us that were baptised that day. She was baptised after me just like in my vision and she was the only one from youth group who was baptised that day.

Some of you might be thinking, well you mentioned baptism to Sierra and that is why it happened, but I beg to differ. Mentioning it and someone deciding they are ready to do it are two completely different things. This had the Holy Spirit’s work written all over it from the time I had the vision to the time Sierra was baptised after me.

I even shared a short part of my testimony which was optional and I am not a public speaker type. In part of my testimony I said:

“I have struggled with fear and panic for far too long. It has robbed me of relationships and caused me to distance myself from family members I was once very close to.

I believe sometimes God miraculously delivers a person, for example, from an addiction or an illness and sometimes Jesus meets you down in the pit you are in, takes you by the hand and walks you out. I believe Jesus is doing the latter for me and in the process I have been learning some valuable lessons along the way that I otherwise would not have learned as Jesus walks me out of that pit one step at a time. I am not where I need to be yet, but I thank God I am not where I used to be.

It is that same crippling fear that has kept me from being baptized in accordance with and in obedience to God’s Word, but not anymore. I will no longer be mastered by anything but Jesus.”

If you were to ask me if I felt any fear as I shared my testimony and got baptised and my reply to you would be “you better believe it,” and you know what, I felt the fear but I also made the choice not to obey those fickle feelings and instead I pushed through them in faith with Jesus and sweet little Sadie (my new best friend) by my side. Sadie is a sweet little girl who was glued to my side that whole time. She was my little angel that God sent to me to share that very memorable moment in my life.

Treadmill workout and a precious God moment

I have a true story to share with you. I was working out on my treadmill. I have Shaw digital TV and I am scanning the music channels for “high energy” music to keep me motivated. I stopped on the 80s channel. OK, so maybe I am showing my age here, but I am an 80s girl. Anyway, this song came on called, “Got my mind set on you” by George Harrison. Does anyone know the song I am talking about? If the lyrics will fit I will sometimes turn a song into a worship song and sing it as a form of worship to God. When I heard the main chorus of the song I felt like it was the perfect worship song so I began singing the lyrics to the chorus only and worshiping God while working out on my treadmill. The lyrics in the chorus are pretty simple. They are, “I got my mind set on you” repeated over and over. So there I was singing at the top of my lungs while working out on my treadmill singing, “I got my mind set on you” and pointing to the sky. I suppose it is a good thing I workout at home instead of at the gym…lol. Here is a link to the song if you want to hear it: http://youtu.be/jQM9rwt_MHc

Then the song ended and I can’t remember if it was the very next song or the song after that, but shortly after that song I heard God say to me in my heart, “Now I have a song for you that I want you to listen to. Pay close attention to the chorus lyrics because this explains how I feel about you.” Has anyone here ever been Rick Rolled? If you have you will know exactly what song I am talking about. The song is called, “Never gonna give you up” by Rick Astley, another 80s song of course. When I listened to the words in the chorus of this song and knew that God was telling me this is how He feels about me, I felt incredibly happy; it was an amazing God moment. I felt so loved. I know He feels the same way about you too. If you have ever struggled with feeling like God doesn’t want you or He doesn’t care about you or that you are not good enough, don’t believe it, those are lies coming from the enemy. I know God feels the exact same way about you as He does about me and this song applies to you just as much as it does to me. I know He loves the fact that I am sharing this with you now. Here is a link to the song: http://youtu.be/k7oVeqs-ve8 (Play the song) Go ahead and dance, sing or do both if you want to. J

Remember this only applies to the chorus lyrics of the song, not the verses. The chorus lyrics are posted below:

Never Gonna Give you up Lyrics

Rick Astley
CHORUS
Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

For those of you who have never been Rick Rolled and would like the pleasure of the experience so you know exactly what I am talking about click on this link: http://thekickback.com/rickroll/rickroll.php

I have to tell you that sharing a moment like that with God feels incredible. Just the fact that God would care about me so much that He would send me a song to tell me how much He loves me? Little ol’ me? It is an amazing feeling. Who am I that He should care so much for me? But He does care for me. He does love me. And He loves you just as much.

In Acts 10:34 the Bible says, “It's God's own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you're from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open…”

What I am trying to say is there is nothing special about me. If God will communicate his love for me He will do it for you too, he does not play favorites as we read about in the previous verse. The fact is God is always trying to communicate with us. The problem is we become too preoccupied and too busy with the things in our life that we fail to hear him.
We fill our heads with text messages, work, video games, music, movies, sports, time with friends, etc. None of these things are bad if they are clean and moral. It is all about balance. So many people say they are just too busy to spend time with God, but the truth is, we always make time for what is important to us. If friends are important to you, you will always make time to hang out with them and enjoy your time with them. God is no different. He wants to be your best friend. If you will make time for Him every day like you do other things that are important to you, I PROMISE you, YOU WILL begin to feel His presence, YOU WILL begin to feel His love for you and YOU WILL hear from Him!

So many people say they don’t feel God or they think of Him as this being out there in the universe somewhere, but the truth is God is never far away. We are the ones who move ourselves further away from Him by crowding Him out of our lives with other things. The choice is always ours.

He communicates to each person in unique ways. He speaks to us in a way that He knows we will receive it. For example, when He Rick Rolled me He knew I was listening to the music to see if I could turn it into a form of worship as I was working out. I had just finished singing the chorus lyrics to Him as a form of worship. He knew I would hear Him at that moment. And I am here to tell you, when you hear from Him, the love you feel from Him, it is like no other, it is out of this world, literally, and cannot even be compared with the kind of love you will ever find on this earth. Just like the song lyrics say, He will never give up on you, He will never lie to you, He will never hurt you and He will NEVER leave you! Those are promises you can trust completely. We have all been hurt, lied to, given up on and left behind, etc., but there is One Who will never do that to you. I pray my treadmill God moment blesses you…

Spiritual Warfare

Before I began my close relationship with Jesus, I used to be very interested in the paranormal. I used to read and believe in horoscopes, I used to go to psychic fairs and I had my tea leaves read. I used to love to watch those TV shows on the paranormal and stories of hauntings. I found it all so fascinating. I also loved to watch the psychic shows on TV. I even purchased different types of stones that were supposed to help you with different areas in life like finances or love, etc.

The more time I spend with God in His word which is the truth, the more I learn about how deceived I used to be. There is our triune God, God the father, His word (God the son, Jesus) which is the truth and the Holy Spirit, and there is satan who is also called the father of lies because there is no truth found in him or his gang. In the scriptures below Jesus is talking to the men who were seeking to kill him regarding who was influencing them to behave the way they were:

John 8:42-47 (The Message)

"If God were your father," said Jesus, "you would love me, for I came from God and arrived here. I didn't come on my own. He sent me. Why can't you understand one word I say? Here's why: You can't handle it. You're from your father, the Devil, and all you want to do is please him. He was a killer from the very start. He couldn't stand the truth because there wasn't a shred of truth in him. When the Liar speaks, he makes it up out of his lying nature and fills the world with lies. I arrive on the scene, tell you the plain truth, and you refuse to have a thing to do with me. Can any one of you convict me of a single misleading word, a single sinful act? But if I'm telling the truth, why don't you believe me? Anyone on God's side listens to God's words. This is why you're not listening—because you're not on God's side."

Having suffered for over a decade with agoraphobia and severe panic attacks, I believe I can say that I have had my share of personal experience with spiritual warfare. Dabbling in the occult as I have in the past only added more grief to that experience. Spiritual warfare is when Satan and his kingdom of darkness are working against what God and his kingdom of light are doing on this earth.

At the beginning of my study in God's word I began to question, "If all spirits that are not from God are evil then why do some of them appear to help solve crimes and lead the police to solve murders through psychics or bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones by relaying information from the other side." I believe the answer is because the spirits or "spirit guides" those psychics are listening to are deceiving spirits that work for Satan. Think about it, if they can convince the nonbeliever that they are good spirits who only want to help, then they can fool the nonbeliever into believing there is no heaven or hell, per se, and therefore no need to worry about where we go when we die. They are only helping so they can keep the nonbeliever deceived and from finding out the truth which is, after all, their ultimate goal. If they have to solve a crime here and there or provide comfort to a grieving soul then so be it.

When a close friend of mine began to pray for my healing from panic attacks and freedom from fear he experienced "spiritual warfare" in a dream which is one of the ways they (the spiritual realm) can communicate with us. These dreams (when coming from satan's gang) usually seem very real and are meant to intimidate you and fill you with feelings of fear. I have attached below his words from part of this dream:

"I had a dream with you in it the other night. My ex showed up and I was watching my nephew. She came to me and asked if I could help her husband. I said yes, if you can watch my nephew. She said yes and we walked to where her husband had been 'stuck' somehow in a pool. By the time we got there another man was in the pool and he was a doctor. Her husband was drowning and the man couldn't get him out by himself. I jumped in to help, but it was too late. When I picked him up I saw a big red spot on him and the doctor said “he's been infected.” We pulled him out of the water, but after that I couldn't touch my nephew. I asked her to take my nephew back to my family since I couldn't touch him. She said 'no'. So I was desperately looking around for someone to help me with him. You showed up and you said you came to help me. We both realized that this meant that you had overcome your agoraphobia. I took you to my nephew and you picked him up. Then, somehow I found out that I wasn't 'infected'. I took your hand and we started to go back to my family, but we began seeing "inside" people, like what they were really like and some were evil. They tried to overtake us. They pushed me down trying to get to you and they tied me up. At that point I was kind of waking up, but I claimed that the binds with which they tied me were broken in Jesus' name and I broke free and we left. Then I woke up."

Here is how I interpreted his dream. His ex and her husband represent nonbelievers. Him being willing to help his ex's husband reveals his heart and how he will help anyone in need. The husband being infected represents sin and dark spiritual forces. Him being infected represents our vulnerability to spiritual attack. His young nephew represents purity. Us seeing inside people’s hearts I believe represents our ability (through the help of the Holy Spirit using discernment) to sense when evil forces are at work. Me being over the agoraphobia represents his prayers for my healing.

I think this next part of the dream is very interesting. When the people tried to overtake us and are trying to push him down to get to me shows me that he is my spiritual warrier friend and that he has been standing in the gap and praying for my healing and his prayers have been very effective. Us holding hands with his nephew represents the scripture found in Matthew 18:20 (NLT) "For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”

Him and I are standing in agreement concerning my healing. He has been praying for my healing and those prayers have been effectively making things happen and it really ticks off the evil spirits that have been holding me in bondage through fear for so long. Since his prayers are being effective they are turning their attention off of me and coming after him. This dream is evidence of that. The dream has the perfect ending though, he knows his authority in Jesus' name and he broke those binds as quickly as they tried to put them on him. What a happy victorious ending. I am so blessed to have a friend like him in my life. Even though he lives in another country, distance does not limit what God can do through a praying friend.

This year I felt God had placed one of my uncles on my heart to pray for him. I know he has, in the past, been tormented by evil spirits. I began to fervently pray very specific spiritual warfare prayers over my uncle. I never told him about it, I just prayed. My uncle does not live close to me and I never get to see him. Once in awhile we will chat live on Facebook or on the telephone, but not very often so to hear from him is rare but it is treasured when I do.

I am not sure if it was weeks or months later but one day out of the blue I received an email message from my uncle saying he had the strangest dream. He then went on to tell me the details of his dream. He had never sent me a detailed email about a dream before this. He had no idea about the prayers I had been praying nor about the dreams I have had and translated, some of which have been prophetic and one which is still coming true now. If you would like to read that one it is called "The Tornado" and it is in my April archives. The other two posts on dreams that I have translated are called "The horse is led to freedom" from March and "Jesus visits me in a dream" from November.

I had prayed that the Lord would send forth his holy warring angels to my uncle and bind up any and all evil, lying deceiving spirits attached to him and remove them from him. I also prayed and asked God if there is any way that I can help him then bring me to his mind and have him communicate with me when the need arises. The fact that he sent me a detailed email about his dream is an answer to the latter part of that prayer. His dream is below:

"I had the weirdest dream the other night at work, while I was sleeping at the hotel. I heard something at my window, so I opened my curtains, and there was an angel or something like it. It had no eyes though which managed to freak the living crap out of me! Its wings were white with gray and bluish tones. It held a a stick with a chain and a spiked ball and wore Roman type clothing. It was at least 8 feet tall and it spoke to me. It said, "It's time." I said I think you have the wrong room lol! I asked time time for what and it said, "It's time for battle" and that's when I woke up. It was so real, and if that is what angels look like I really don't want to meet one! This is the third time this month I have had quasi religous dreams and its all been based on me fighting something evil, and it scares the shit out of me!"

This is how I interpret this dream. My uncle mentions that there was an angel or something like it. It was the "or something like it." The "angel" he saw at the window was, in fact, a "fallen angel" (a demon). Satan and his gang were angels who lived in heaven at one time until pride got the better of Satan and he decided he wanted to be like God, and he was thrown out of heaven along with his gang which happened to be one third of the angels in heaven. Here are some scriptures that explain this:

Isaiah 14:12-14 (NIV)

How you have fallen from heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations! You said in your heart, “I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.”

Revelation 12:9 (NLT)

This great dragon—the ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world—was thrown down to the earth with all his angels.

Luke 10:18 (NLT)

Jesus said, "Yes, I saw Satan fall from heaven like lightning!"

Revelation 12:7-9 (NIV)

Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

Revelation 12:4 (NIV)

Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth . . .

He then goes on to say it had no eyes. These "fallen angels" are from the kingdom of darkness, there is no light in them. This "fallen angel" had black holes where the eyes (the light) should be.

Matthew 6:23 (NLT)

But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!

Angels are filled with light as evidenced in scripture. Below is a description on an angel Daniel saw:

Daniel 10:6 (NIV)

His body was like topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude.

When my uncle saw this "fallen angel" he mentions that it scared him pretty badly. This is another indication that this dream is from Satan as he enjoys instilling fear into people. The weapon he describes the "fallen angel" holding is a medieval weapon called a flail. This "fallen angel" was clearly dressed and prepared for battle, weapon and all. He says it was at least 8 feet tall. From descriptions I have read about people where God had momentarily opened their eyes to the spiritual realm and have seen angels, they have described them to be about 8 feet tall. Since "fallen angels" were angels at one time it would make sense that they would be the same height.

The "fallen angel" said, "It's time for battle." Later on my uncle said to me, "I also had the impression it wasn't him I was to battle with, but beside him." This is the part that truly saddens me and the very reason I felt the urgency from the Holy Spirit to pray these very specific spiritual warfare prayers over him. This "fallen angel" knows my uncle is on his side of this spiritual battle. He also told me this was the third time he had had a "religious dream" that month. This is no coincidence that he was having spiritual warfare dreams at the same time I began to fervently pray spiritual warfare prayers over him.

If you have accepted Jesus into your heart you have nothing to fear. The bible says:

Romans 8:31-39 (The Message)

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

You need not worry about this spiritual warfare that goes on all around us in the spiritual realms because God has not left us without weapons to fight back. Deceived people need to be freed from the deceptions of Satan and God has equipped us with everything we need. Satan is a defeated foe living on borrowed time and he knows it.

Ephesians 6:10-18 (The Message)

A Fight to the Finish 10-12And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.

Prayer is one of our most powerful weapons and it should be taken very seriously. It is powerful against the dark spiritual forces in this world. I pray that this post will not only strengthen many of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, but also that it will shed some light into the truth for those who have areas in their lives where they are still being deceived.

Update On Finding My Lost Niece

If you haven't read my blog post titled "God answers prayers" in my August 2009 archives, I strongly suggest going back and reading that post before reading any further as this is an update to that post.

In August 2009 I shared with you how God had led me to finding my long lost niece and that after 12 years of prayer I found her. We became facebook friends and started communicating regularly. I found her in July and started communication with her. In August I met her, now 15 years old, face to face for the first time in 12 years.

She told me about how she had been kicked out of her home and was now living with a different aunt and uncle out of town. Shortly after that I found out she really wanted to return to her high school here in the city where all of her friends were. She didn't know anyone in that small town she lived in. I was always the new kid in a small town and I totally related to how she felt and I hated it when I was her age. I was so happy to have found her and I felt so badly about her situation that I found myself offering her the possibility of living with me since her school was not far from my place.

I couldn't believe I had even offered. Me, the one who has struggled with panic disorder and agoraphobia, the one who couldn't stand having anyone come inside my home to visit let alone live, was offering my niece, whom I didn't know, a place to live? Not only that but I had a renter in my basement suite which provided an income I relied on, and if she moved in I would have to open up the basement suite and give her the basement bedroom. She quickly responded to my offer. I explained the renter situation, etc. She assured me she would take herself to school and home and get a job and help out, that we would be a team.

I prayed about it a lot and I knew I would need something to replace the lost income. I decided that if my family offered to support her, that that would be my confirmation that God wanted me to do this. My parents, being super excited to finally meet her again, offered to help pay support. My brother, her dad, offered a small amount as he was struggling to make ends meet at the moment. This was all I needed to know to move forward with my plan. I was so super excited about finding her and getting the chance to know her. From that point on, things moved very quickly. By October 1st my niece had moved into my home and was living with me and my son. I offered to drive her to school since I drove my son to school.

Things became very difficult very quickly. She was not an easy person to communicate with. You might be thinking, that is how all teenage girls are, but I know how teenage girls are and there was a lot more to this than the average teenage girl behavior. She has a huge wall up and pushes everyone away with her hurtful words and bad attitude. I tried to break through. She was completely rude and disrespectful to me. She would curse at me and call me names. I did not know how to respond to that and it was bringing back bad emotions from my previous marriage. I was a wreck. I even began having nightmares of being chased and murdered like I used to during the bad times in my marriage.

I became very stressed out over my living situation. I no longer felt safe or relaxed in my own home. I didn't want to be alone with this girl and it was breaking my heart. It was breaking my heart because of how she was responding to me and the fact that I knew she was responding in such horrible ways for a reason that I did not know.

After feeling like I could not go on living in such a negative, draining environment another day and praying often for God to show me what to do, I believe I found my answer. One day in one of the stories I was reading from my Joyce Meyer magazine titled, "How much is too much?" by Joyce Meyer she said, "We're not supposed to be stressed out, frustrated and just hanging on by our fingernails, trying all the time to make it through one more day. It is okay for us to say, I have reached my limit. Yes, scripture says I can do all things through Christ who strengthen me, but that is really referring to times when we face various trials and situations that God will help us through. It doesn't mean we take on so many responsibilities like the woman who works full-time, while raising five kids, serving on the church board, etc. Maybe all this is easy for a few people, but for most of us, it is too much and that is okay. You and I don't have to be like everyone else or keep up with anyone else. Each of us needs to be who God created us to be, and we don't have to apologize for it. We need to find the comfort zone God has established for us to live in, so we can enjoy our life, instead of making ourselves sick with with an overload of stress and pressure."

That is exactly how I was feeling, like I was hanging on by my fingernails. That message hit home for me and I cried. The thought of quitting and having my niece move out had been weighing heavy on my mind for quite some time and when I read this I felt like I had been given permission to admit that it was too much for me. Then I received even more confirmation during my devotional reading time. It said, "I believe that serving God is easy if we learn to hear from Him and simply obey rather than struggle to do things He never asked us to do for Him. Take time to seek God about whether your works are His works. Is He leading you to do them? If you discover that you are involved in works of the flesh and that God has NOT given you the grace to do them, do not be afraid to lay them down and seek Him about His will for your life. Remember, it will not always be easy, but there will be comfort, grace and pleasure associated with doing His works. Jesus wants to lighten the load you have been carrying all by yourself and give you rest."

That was exactly what I needed to hear. That is exactly how I had been feeling. There was no grace, no comfort and no pleasure associated with taking care of my niece. It was a constant daily struggle. I asked myself, could it be that I had missed God and that it was not part of His plan to have her move in with me? Could it be that God had led me to find her to begin a relationship with her and introduce her to the other half of her family, but not to have her live with me?

Nine months after my niece moved in, after school ended in June 2010, my niece moved back to the place she was living out of town before she came to live with me. Her father had offered her the opportunity to live with him, but she refused. I truly believe that I missed God and went out of His plan for my life. I had been operating in the flesh and trying to care of her in the flesh. He never told me to take her into my home, that was MY desire, not his and I made a mistake. I believe I allowed my emotions to get involved and I made a rash decision. I have heard Joyce Meyer say, "let your emotions subside and then decide." That is one very smart piece of advice and I have learned my lesson the hard way.

I had been so distracted by my niece, I wasn't even able to blog anymore. It has been a very long time since my last post and I apologize. This was a hard post to blog because I feel like I failed and I am also embarrassed about missing God so badly. I also know, though, that by my sharing with you how I missed God, it will give you permission not feel bad when and if you find out that you have missed God. Sometimes we miss God, but He always knows how to find us.

Upon moving back to where my niece used to live out of town, her aunt and uncle warned her that she must obey the rules and if she breaks them she will be taken to live with her dad. Three short months later she moved (against her will) to her dad's place where she is presently residing. I am praying that God will use the time I shared with her to somehow minister into her wounded heart. I am also praying that her father will be able to minister into her wounded heart and life now as well. Please join with me in praying for this poor wounded soul.

A rare God moment involving a pigeon

April 19, 2010

After spending 6 hours working at my computer, I decided to take a break and enjoy some of the warm sunny spring weather by taking my dogs out for a walk. While I am out walking the dogs I always see pigeons searching for spilled grain on the train tracks. As I continued to walk I noticed one pigeon in particular who looked quite different from any pigeon I had ever seen before. This pigeon was not the traditional grey color. This pigeon was golden brown and white in color.


I walked as closely I possibly could, pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and tried to figure out how to work the camera in my phone. I began to take some pictures of this rare-looking pigeon. I captured a few images and then continued my walk. As I was walking away I thought to myself "what a beautiful unique pigeon." Immediately after I thought that, I heard the Holy Spirit say to me "Just as you think that is a beautiful unique pigeon, I think you are my beautiful unique girl."

I can't tell you how awesome it made me feel to hear those words coming from my "Daddy," which is what I now like to call him after reading "The Shack" by William Paul Young. I found myself smiling and saying, "Aw, thank you daddy."

Do you ever hear from God? Are wondering how it is that I hear from God in this way? Would you like to be able to hear from Him? He speaks to me in several different ways. Sometimes He speaks to me through His word, sometimes through dreams, sometimes through a Christian book I am reading, sometimes through people and sometimes it is the still small voice of the Holy Spirit that speaks to me.


I have found that the better I get to know my "daddy" in a personal way, the more I am able to hear from Him by any of the abovementioned methods. I also know that before I made the choice to put Him first in my life and actively pursue a relationship with him, I never heard from Him in those ways. It wasn't because He didn't want to communicate with me, it was because He left the choice to me to seek Him out for myself or leave Him out of my life. As soon as I started choosing Him, I started hearing from Him.

I saw this unique pigeon while walking my dogs at the beginning of the week, Monday, April 19. I really enjoyed hearing from God in this way and a week later I realized why He spoke those words of love to me that day. He knew how terribly my week was going to end and He gave me something to remember while going through it.

On Saturday, April 24, my dog Sandy that I have shared almost 12 years of my life with passed away. On Saturday afternoon I could tell she was in distress. After several tests and hours later at the vet clinic, her diagnosis was not good and I had to make the most painful choice in love by ending her suffering and letting her go. Losing her is like losing a member of my family and it is extremely painful.

It is only now as I move through this grief that only a person who has loved and lost a pet can understand that I realize why God spoke those words of comfort to me when he did earlier that week. I have been recalling those words of comfort often and it has strengthened me.

I also ended up accidentally taking a picture of my dog Sandy while we were walking that day that I saw the pigeon. I was trying to figure out how to work the camera in my phone and I had accidently taken a picture and she is in it. Little did I know it would be my last week with my beautiful Sandy and one of the last walks we shared together.

I am dedicating this blog post in loving memory of my beautiful dog Sandy.